Wednesday, February 08, 2006

New Name, New Start

Thank you to all who gave me wonderful advice on starting over.

Today, I have finally chosen a new blog name to mark a new start in life. After fighting years of sorrow and pain that comes from infertility, God has blessed us with a beautiful baby boy. Our son is a miracle. A gift from God that warms my heart like kisses of sunshine.

Thank God for his promise that "...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5b

If you would like to join me in my new endeavor where I will share antics, stories, frolics and complaints about parenting and life in general, then please go to where you will find my new entries. I hope you may find strength and comfort in them, and share good advice and encouragement with me on days that I may need it.

If you too are battling with infertility, know that you are not alone. If you have any questions or need encouragement, please feel free to email me or comment on my new blog spot... Kisses of Sunshine.

On to a new page.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Just Like A Monkey!

FOUR DAYS! Yes, four days is how long it took whatever attacked my little boy to work it's course through his little body! A cold, the flu, an infection, a virus -- whatever it was, it hit him hard. He clung to me just like a little monkey for four whole days. When he whimpered or cried, it sounded hoarse. His eyes were running/tearing up. His nose was gushing. It was pitiful.

Yeah -- and to top it off, my little 4-month old boy has two, yup ...TWO teeth trying to pop through his tender gums. Yeow! My poor baby.

One of those four days, the poor soul cried the entire day STRAIGHT! I finally sent my father-in-law out to get some baby orajel. I put it on his gums, and he cried even harder because it tasted so foul. He even (literally) SPIT at me ... I kid you not. He was trying desperately to spit that foul tasting stuff out, but the taste just stayed there. If it weren't for the pain and discomfort my little man was in, I would have laughed at how cute he looked when he spit at me. Needless to say, the orajel worked, and he slept for 9-1/2 hours straight.

In fact, it startled me because he hadn't gotten up a single time through the night, so I went in to look at him to make sure he was okay, and he was sprawled on his back, arms spread eagled over his head. His face was a little blue-ish looking, so I ran my finger along his cheek, and called out his name. He didn't respond, and it scared me to death because his face was cold (it was 68 degrees in his room) so I grabbed his cheeks and hollered his name. He jumped because I startled him, but went right back to sleep. Baby boy ... NEVER do that to your momma again! Good Grief! We now have the heat set at 70. No more blue-ish faces.

Any way, it was a miserable four days, but he's all better now. Now, I have the stinking cold, or flu, or infection, or virus, or ... whatever. Not fun.

But on Sunday... well ... on Sunday, he was a perfect angel! He was quiet throughout the entire church service, and he fell asleep during the message. Just when the Pastor was calling us up for his dedication, he woke up, and just smiled and smiled and coo'd at everyone. It was endearing. Then, we had an open house at our home for 40 of our dear and close friends and family (ugh!) and it was awesome! We had a great time, and he was so well behaved! We crashed that night, and I turned to my husband and glowingly said... "I'm so proud of our boy." He turned to me and said, "Really? How Come? Because it's not like he can really do anything yet!" So, I politely reminded him about how well behaved he was for such a long day, and yes, he did agree with me that it was something to be proud of.

MEN!!! Watcha gonna do? You can't live with them, you can't live without them.

Finally, thanks for the lovely remarks on my last post. I will be thinking and praying about a new name. I'll let you know once I've got it, but it will require a lot of work transferring files to a new blog, and I have NO! Idea! How! To! Do! That! (I'm so computer illiterate!) So, look for more to come on that subject!

Have a great day!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

What's in a Name?

So lately, I've been struggling with the name, content and even category of my blog. Yes, I have struggled for many, many years with infertility, and it is a part of my life that I wouldn't change. I have gone through the fire, and God has seen me through it. I've come out refined, changed, stronger and more compassionate. I've learned to lean fully on God and while I may not have always understood why my life experiences included the physical and emotional pain of infertility, I had to learn to trust God's heart. His timing hasn't been my choice, but really, he has know what's best for us. The only reason we have our son is because of God's graciousness, love and mercy. He heard the cry of an old woman begging for a child, and he, in his infinite generosity, answered my pleas. On our announcement cards for our son, we used the scripture from 1 Sam 1:27 - "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him" because my life seemed to parallel Hannah's story.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to share with others my experiences, and to be able to show compassion and love to those who are in the process of struggling with fertility issues. And I firmly believe that we learn from each other's experiences... and one thing I want everyone to know is that the all wonders in my life... the love of a good and faithful husband who fears the Lord and is the strong head of our household, and the sweetness of my little son ... are all gifts to me ... little ol' me ... from my heavenly maker. "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." Ps. 9:1-2 And trust me when I say, the past 14 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster ride. Not an enjoyable one, either. But through it all, I know that the Lord has never forsaken me.

But now, my life is in a new place. We have a son. I am a mother. I am a mother who battled infertility and came out a victor. But none the less, I am now a mother. So does this put my blog in a new category all together? Am I now a part of the parenting blogsphere? While I would welcome this new club with open arms, would I be leaving behind any one who continues to struggle with infertility?

This Sunday, our son will be 4 months old. This Sunday, we will be dedicating our Son at church. This Sunday is an important milestone in the lives of Christian parents, because we acknowledge that our children are gifts from God. We present our children before God and the church asking God for grace and wisdom in carrying out our responsibilities. We also pray that through our Godly teachings and rearing, our child might one day trust Jesus Christ as their Savior and ask Him for the forgiveness of their sins. Some people baptize their infant children, but we believe that baptism symbolizes that Christ is our Savior, and at that time, we publicly confess that we are a new creation in Christ. We firmly believe that a child is baptized once they are old enough to fully understand this.

Any way, now that I've gone into a theological dissertation, my point is... we are marking an important decision as parents on Sunday. Maybe it's as good a time as any to turn a new leaf with my blog?

AAARGH!!! I just don't know what to do!!! And since no one ever comments on my blog, I'm sure I won't receive any of the much needed advice I'm seeking!

What to do, what to do...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Random Thoughts

... In no particular order ...

1. I think I'd like to set up some kind of space in my home where I can begin learning how to take portraits of my son. I think I take good pictures, but I really need "a place" where to set up a wishful, yet somehow glorified studio... any thoughts on this?

2. I think I've fallen in love with one very warm, gentle, and soothing hydrotherapy table at the Chiropractors office. Uh Huh. I'm head over heals in love. It is like enveloping yourself in warmth with buoyancy, and a deliciously pulsating massage. I want one for my own house, but at about $1500 - $3000 a pop, I think I'll have to put my "want" on the back burner.

3. I came home last night from work to a nice, roaring fire in the fireplace. It was so warm, so comforting, and soooo nice. It's our first fire all season, because we had to replace the entire chimney pipe and some glass around the fireplace. I had forgotten what we were missing, and with our last gas bill at a whopping $416 bucks (cough, sputter, gag), a functioning wood burning fireplace will really come in handy now! And they smell so good!!!

4. I am tired. Plumb, tuckered out. My neck and shoulders have been incredibly stiff and sore, and the back of my head has been pounding for three weeks now. My sleep has just sucked raw eggs. It's not because I'm waking up to feed Hunter, because that really only takes 15 minutes TOPS, and he sleeps a good 7 to 8 hours a stretch. I haven't been able to get comfortable in bed because of the stiffness and soreness I'm experiencing. I finally started going to a chiropractor and I'm hoping to get enough relief between today and tomorrow so that I can sleep soundly tomorrow night, and then selfishly spend all day long in either bed or on the couch in front of the fire with my son. Oh yeah, and my husband, too.

5. We are dedicating our son at church on February 5... Super Bowl Sunday. A couple things we/I hadn't thought about except for just now... the 5th is his birthdate -- sort of -- he'll be 4 months old. Not 3-1/2, not 4-1/4, but exactly 4 months. Nice. I like round numbers. Also, it's Super Bowl Sunday. I know it doesn't really mean much, other than just being so"appropriate!" Why, you might ask? Well, you'd just have to see how fixated he gets on the TV when a football game is on. Basketball... not so much. Tennis ... why bother. But football? You'd better make sure there's a clear path to the TV for him, or he gets upset. Really! He's only (almost) 4 months old! It's the strangest thing I've ever seen. Even all my in-laws have commented on it! So, maybe he'll end up really liking football so much that he'll find a lucrative career in either playing or announcing it when he grows up, and he'll take good care of his mom and dad in their old age.

Oh, wait a minute. I'm already in my 'old age.'

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Power of Suggestion...

When I was pregnant, my husband and I agreed (against my better judgment) to wait and NOT find out the sex of our baby until it was born. Well... that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, because ... well ... I'm anal like that.

Anyway, at one point or another, I found the most adorable socks in the entire world. Of course, they are for girls... and the company (Trumpette) didn't have any as cute as these for boys. And of course, I had a boy. So, once our bundle of joy was born, and I decided that it would be unwise to dress him in Maryjane ( or Ballerina ( socks, I wrote the company and suggested that they make something suitable for boys like saddle shoe socks or something along those lines. Yes, I actually emailed them with this suggestion.

They emailed me back a few weeks later and said that they were creating a new sock for boys... a high top sneaker sock that looked like a pair of chucks! They said they would be available in February. Can you believe it? Is it possible that I may have been a part of their decision making process??? Naturally, I was so excited when I heard this news, and I have stalked their website religiously ... until ... FINALLY ... they have posted the new sock ... and it's so adorable (as are all their products! I've ordered some for Hunter, because face it... he HAS to be the coolest kid on the block! They are called "Johnny's" and come in a box of 6 in green, yellow, blue, orange, red and black. So cute! Check it out!

So, yeah ... I'm feeling like hot stuff right now!

Monday, January 23, 2006

To Teeth or Not to Teeth... That is the Question

Is my son really teething? I just can't tell... He runs a very slight fever on and off. He's drooling so much and he's actually perfected blowing multiple bubbles out of his mouth. He has a horrifies drool rash on his chin. He's pooping a lot of wet stuff that runs up his back ... of course, that might be directly related to the fact that we started feeding him stage one foods on Wednesday, 1/18/06! Who really knows? He quiets down when I stick my knuckle in his mouth, but then all he does is suck, not really rub or chew. He rejects all cold teethers... too big for his mouth. I haven't seen any raised "blistery" looking things on his gums, or any really "white bumps" -- well, maybe I see a little bit of white -- MAYBE. It's almost like it comes and it goes.

Um ... did I mention he's only 3 months & 3 weeks old! I know that I had my first tooth at 3 months, and my husband had his first tooth at 4 months, so... dare I say that it's possible that my little boy is actually teething?

I called the doctor's office, and they said that it was possible that he could very well be teething and to give him Tylenol. I almost hesitate to give him Tylenol. Especially if I'm not "certain" that he's teething. I don't want to get into the habit of "medicating" him whenever he cries... but at the same time, I don't want him to suffer. But how do I know if he's suffering or just venting some steam?

UGGH!!! This mothering stuff is killing me because I'm not a frikin mind reader!!!

My poor babe.

Friday, January 20, 2006

I Loves Me Some Hunter!

Yeah, I'm quoting the now famous words of Terrel Owens from the Eagles ("I loves me some me"), with my own spin, of course... because face it ... I just loves me some Hunter! I can't get enough of him. He is just the sweetest thing next to sugar. I love it when I pick him up out of his crib after a nap or in the morning when he wakes up, and he stretches his whole body -- arms and legs spread up and out -- and then curls his knees up under his belly and lays his head against my shoulder poking his round little bottom up in the air. And when I lay him down to change his diaper, he stretches again, and then looks up at me out of the tops of his eyes like he's flirting with me and smiles at me... oh, my... I loves me some Hunter.

I knew I would love my son fiercely, but no one ever warned me how hard I would fall! Or that I would catch my breath every time I peek in on him when he's sleeping, or when I see his long eyelashes sweep up and down, or whenever my lips touch the top of his downy head, or when he smiles broadly at me like I'm the only one that matters to him (yeah, okay... so he does it to his dad, too -- whatever -- this is all about me)... And no one told me just how my heart would heal after I held him for the first time in my arms!

Infertility is a long and ugly battle filled with horrible and undignified treatments, procedures, and outcomes ... I found that I was always thinking (in the back of my head), "maybe this time I'll get pregnant and it will stick..." and when "this time" finally happened, I would suddenly become too terrified to even breath for fear that I might miscarry. And when I did miscarry, my heart would shatter into a million pieces, and with each time, the healing process would take longer... and my poor, perfect husband would be at a loss of words and not know how to comfort me.

This time last year, I was in the middle of an IVF cycle. This time last year, I was feeling hope again. This time last year, I was thinking "maybe this time I'll get pregnant ... and it'll be viable, and healthy ... and soon I'll have a baby." This time last year, was my last IVF cycle ... ahem ... for the year, that is ... we still have some frozen ebryoes, and Hunter might want a baby sister some day...

This time, THIS year, 1/20/2006, I have a babyboy. He's beautiful, and perfect, and ... well ... he's Hunter. I always thought I would have a girl first, and I never could imagine being the mother of a boy, but this boy has captured my heart with one flirty look and a wet, drooling smile. Who cares that I'm not athletic, or that I don't know the first things about sports statistics, or that I don't even know how to hit a golf ball, throw a football, or do an alley-ooup (?) -- I do know how to love, cuddle, nurture, encourage, and thank goodness, my husband can fill in all the other blanks. The point is... I can't imagine my life any other way than right now. With my boy, my husband, and my dog.

Life is good. And I loves me some Hunter!