Friday, January 20, 2006

I Loves Me Some Hunter!

Yeah, I'm quoting the now famous words of Terrel Owens from the Eagles ("I loves me some me"), with my own spin, of course... because face it ... I just loves me some Hunter! I can't get enough of him. He is just the sweetest thing next to sugar. I love it when I pick him up out of his crib after a nap or in the morning when he wakes up, and he stretches his whole body -- arms and legs spread up and out -- and then curls his knees up under his belly and lays his head against my shoulder poking his round little bottom up in the air. And when I lay him down to change his diaper, he stretches again, and then looks up at me out of the tops of his eyes like he's flirting with me and smiles at me... oh, my... I loves me some Hunter.

I knew I would love my son fiercely, but no one ever warned me how hard I would fall! Or that I would catch my breath every time I peek in on him when he's sleeping, or when I see his long eyelashes sweep up and down, or whenever my lips touch the top of his downy head, or when he smiles broadly at me like I'm the only one that matters to him (yeah, okay... so he does it to his dad, too -- whatever -- this is all about me)... And no one told me just how my heart would heal after I held him for the first time in my arms!

Infertility is a long and ugly battle filled with horrible and undignified treatments, procedures, and outcomes ... I found that I was always thinking (in the back of my head), "maybe this time I'll get pregnant and it will stick..." and when "this time" finally happened, I would suddenly become too terrified to even breath for fear that I might miscarry. And when I did miscarry, my heart would shatter into a million pieces, and with each time, the healing process would take longer... and my poor, perfect husband would be at a loss of words and not know how to comfort me.

This time last year, I was in the middle of an IVF cycle. This time last year, I was feeling hope again. This time last year, I was thinking "maybe this time I'll get pregnant ... and it'll be viable, and healthy ... and soon I'll have a baby." This time last year, was my last IVF cycle ... ahem ... for the year, that is ... we still have some frozen ebryoes, and Hunter might want a baby sister some day...

This time, THIS year, 1/20/2006, I have a babyboy. He's beautiful, and perfect, and ... well ... he's Hunter. I always thought I would have a girl first, and I never could imagine being the mother of a boy, but this boy has captured my heart with one flirty look and a wet, drooling smile. Who cares that I'm not athletic, or that I don't know the first things about sports statistics, or that I don't even know how to hit a golf ball, throw a football, or do an alley-ooup (?) -- I do know how to love, cuddle, nurture, encourage, and thank goodness, my husband can fill in all the other blanks. The point is... I can't imagine my life any other way than right now. With my boy, my husband, and my dog.

Life is good. And I loves me some Hunter!


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