Reflections and Comfort

What? You expected me to post regularly? People, all my free time is consumed with bogies, poopies, and burpies! And man, don't I love it!

In case you were wondering ... My Christmas was absolutely w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l !!! I got to spend 10 whole days with my boys ... my ever doting husband, and my very delightful son. I could just smooch his chubby cheeks all day long (my son's, that is)! But, as luck would have it ... I'm back at work now, and trust me when I say ... depression has set in! But, fortunately, I've spared the people around me and taken my frustrations out on food ... in fact, just today I had a large popcorn chicken, a side of coleslaw, and two dessert buckets from KFC --- ah, comfort food! Seriously, though... I'd much rather be nibbling on chubby little toes and fingers!

Seriously -- My husband and I are so blessed with our son -- he is so easy going, so good natured, and so happy. He has started cooing, chit chatting, and squealing... he even surprises himself sometimes with the sounds he makes. He laughs, giggles, and smiles all the time, and he even flirts by peeking out of the tops of his eyes! He has found his chubby little hands now, and clasps them together like he IS the champion of the Hand Finding event. He is so adorable.

I can honestly say that he is truly an answer to many prayers, and a delightful gift from God. I faced so many un-knowns and scary things while I was pregnant in 2005, but even with all the trials we had throughout the pregnancy, God, in His infinite wisdom, chose to bless us with a wonderful, beautiful, calm and happy baby boy.

Man, how my life has changed in the space of twelve months! This time last year, I was going through my second IVF, and was actually told that it would have to be postponed or possibly cancelled because I had a rather large ovarian cyst. I was so depressed, but my wonderful, wonderful and most awesome RE said she would aspirate the cyst, and after a few delays, our transfer took place on 1/30/05, and lo and behold... I became pregnant and carried the baby until he was healthy and ready to come out on his own... all happy and chubby!!!

It breaks my heart to know that so many women, both friend and stranger, still struggle with the curse of infertility. But know that you are not alone. There are so many people that love you, understand what you are going through, and are praying for you. And although I hadn't really given it much thought ... I guess having my son takes me out of the rankings of an infertile now, but for anyone reading this post that struggles with infertility, whether it is primary or secondary, I have one message I want you to walk away with... You may be in the beginning of your struggle with infertility, and may not know what's ahead of you, or you may be stuck in the quicksand of despair, heartbreak and discouragement after having struggled for months, or years of infertility and numerous treatments... KNOW THAT EVEN WHILE YOU STRUGGLE, THERE IS HOPE, AND THERE IS SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU AND WANTS THE VERY BEST FOR YOU.

Many times I questioned God's timing ... why did I have so many miscarriages? Why were the best 15 years of my life consumed with infertility? Why did it take so many treatments, IUI's and IVF's before finally getting pregnant? But looking back, even though it seemed like I was in my blackest hole of despair, I can honestly say that God never left me. He always sent me his love in ways I never expected ... through my loving and devoted husband, who truly is the love of my life (with my son at a close second), through the gentle touch of a close friend, through the words of a poem or scripture, through the tunes of a favored song, through a freshly cut flower from the garden, or through the quiet message sent through a sermon ... I was never alone. When I couldn't see God next to me, I knew he was carrying me (as the old poem Footprints in the Sand tells us).

There is light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. There is someone who cares for you. There is someone that knows and understands what you're going through. And... there is a Greater Someone who wants to surround you with His grace and love.

Please ... if you are struggling ... reach out and let me know. I would love to be a comfort to you, and hopefully, reach out God's love to you in a soft and caring way.

Have a blessed New Year.