Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Ramble Fest

I'm 25 weeks pregnant ... correction ... I'm going on 26 weeks of pregnancy...

I have so many emotions right now, I don't know how to put them all down, so it's just going to be a ramble fest for now...

I'm hurting! Oh, I'm uncomfortable, and it's only going to get worse! My belly, my abdomen, my hip, my feet ... they all hurt like crazy, and for various reasons. My belly and abdomen I think are hurting because my ligaments are stretching, but when the baby kicks... ooooooo ... it hurts! My hip hurts because it keeps popping out of location (thanks to those loosey-goosey ligaments). It's a raw, boney pain that I can't find any relief from. Especially at night. Tylenol just doesn't cut it. My feet hurt because they are just a wee bit swollen... ON THE BOTTOM! Not much, but enough to cause discomfort. But, the bottom line is... I really don't feel like I have a place to complain. Wednesday evening, my pastor said something that was very profound, and hit me like a ton of bricks... I just can't remember exactly how he put it, but basically, he said that "things don't always seem to be what they are, and that's okay." In other words, even though I should be ever so thankful that I'm pregnant with a healthy child, and of course, I am... I still have a right to feel the discomfort of being pregnant. And trust me when I say... I'm feeling the discomfort. But again, I am ever so thankful to be pregnant, going on 26 weeks, with a healthy and moving child. Enough complaining.

Now --- at 25-ish weeks, there are still some things that I just can't really face. It's sort of like I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and screaming at the top of my lungs ... "la,la,la,la,la" ... For instance -- The nursery isn't "the nursery" it's the little room. Or, the yellow room. We still haven't ordered a crib, purchased a dresser, or retrieved the glider my sister is going to loan me. In fact, my DH is supposed to build bookshelves for our little one, but he hasn't quite started them yet. It's sort of like we're going to jinx everything we've worked so hard for if we start to really put the nursery together. AND WE ONLY HAVE 15 WEEK LEFT! So right now, we only have a room that's painted yellow, with absolutely beautiful murals painted on the walls by my mom, and two tiny crib sheets still in the package, lying in one corner of the vast and empty room. It's so empty, it echoes. And no light, either. No need for it right now! We keep the door closed, but secretly, I like to step in every now and then and just look around and imagine what it will look like when it's done. (I used to sit on the floor, but I can't get up by myself any more.) Then, I step out very, very quickly.

Then ... I actually "forget" I'm pregnant. Except for the fact that my clothes are very limited to maternity clothes, and that the baby kicks every now and then, I rarely remember I'm pregnant. If I dwell too long on the fact that I am pregnant, I get very distracted.

Every now and then, I loose my mind and get a bit giddy about the prospect of being a mom... like when my DH and I registered at Toys R Us an Buy Buy Baby for "the shower" (how overwhelming was that!), or when the baby is particularly active and it suddenly dawns on me that it's not just gas, or when my sister-in-law begs me to get a list of names to her for "the shower." Those are the times when I think to my self "this is really happening... right?" (notice the bit of doubt creeping in). Then, the rest of the time, I can be pretty forgetful of the whole pregnancy thing... sort of like "out of sight, out of mind." It's not forgetfulness because I'm an idiot, but rather, "selective forgetfulness" so that I'm not constantly obsessing about whether the baby is alive, or healthy, or if it will continue growing until 40 weeks, etc.

Have I ever mentioned how TICKLISH I am? In fact, sometimes when the baby is moving around, it actually tickles me and I laugh out loud!

Also, did I mention I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test? My levels were 206. No where near the limit of 140. So now, it's on to my 3 hour test. I'll be taking it on July 21... the day we leave to go on a short vacation with my sister and her family ... 2 parents, 1 aunt (me), 1 uncle (DH), 4 kids, & 1 nanny = a very, very full beach house. But we should have fun.

So any way... I'm done rambling for now. Nothing ties together, and nothing probably makes sense to the normal pregnant woman. But then again, I'm not the normal pregnant woman, am I?

Have a lovely weekend.


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