Friday, March 25, 2005

The Freedom to Rub Buddha's Belly

What is it about a pregnant woman's belly that attracts unwanted hands? Am I wearing a sign that says... "PLEASE RUB BUDDHA BELLY FOR GOOD LUCK" ??? No... I can assure you I'm NOT!

And to top it all off... I'm only 10 weeks pregnant, and only have a very small protruding ABDOMEN (not even belly yet) ... did I mention I'm overweight anyway, and don't even look pregnant? Well, last night, someone else (this has already happened once!) came up to me and locked eyes with me (a ploy to distract me, I'm sure), and began rubbing my stomach... the top one ... not even the bottom one where the baby actually is (yes, folks... I have two stomachs ... top and bottom). How embarrassing! How do you get around that situation in a nice, diplomatic way? "HEY, kiddo... Hands of the merchandise! This Buddha Belly's off limits to folks like you!" Alas, that would only hurt feelings. It's one thing for a family member to do it... quite another for a friend or acquaintance to do it. And to top it all off... I'm a non-confrontational type of person... hate it! So, I just grabbed this person in a hug and flung her hand of my belly and laughed saying... "that tickles!"

Not bad, huh? Well, err... actually ... I was in church for "Maundy Thursday" service (a traditional service of Communion and Footwashing the day before Good Friday), and happened to be standing in the middle of the sanctuary. And, uh... well ... it didn't really tickle. So in essence... I lied in church. YIKES! I just took communion, too!

Step away from the pregnant sinner woman ... random lightning strikes will commence in 10 seconds... 9...8...7...

Oh, God ... forgive this lying pregnant woman!!!

P.S.: The lovely basket of plants my coworkers gave me back on Sept. 8th died this past week. Okay... maybe it's been a slow, painfully dry death, but needless to say... THEY.ARE.DEAD. I have such a black thumb!


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