Tuesday, August 24, 2004

How to deal with Sorrow ... Orange Tic Tacs

Okay ... I know it's been a long time since I posted, but it's been a pretty tough week. So now that I've been fortified from my morning's wholesome breakfast of an entire box of orange tic tacs (what?!? orange has vitamin c, right?), here's what's been happening...

Last Monday (8/16), my pregnancy test came back positive. My Betas were very low, though. So... we waited another two days and tested again on Wednesday. My Betas went up a bit, but not enough. By Friday, my Beta's were still going up, but not enough. Monday (8/23) I tested again, and Betas went up a bit more. No doubling, not even close. Just 3 here, 8 there. So, my doctor said that she thought it was an Ectopic Pregnancy, and I'd need to have a shot (two, actually) of Methotrexate. Joy... Chemotherapy ... I get to glow in the dark. Methotrexate is used to end a pregnancy because it kills living and reproducing cells. Sounds ominous, and even though my RE told me not to worry because it won't be any different than a heavy period, I don't believe her one bit. I always prepare myself for the worst, and after reading several blog entries about this exact procedure, I really have the willies about it. This also means that we will have to miss a couple of cycles to get all the chemicals out of my system before we try again. Joy. I'm going to be 100 years old before I get pregnant.

But as luck would have it, I started bleeding today. On my own. Yea! I called my RE and I get to go in for another beta tomorrow. Nothing like getting stuck in the arm for blood. It's become my new favorite thing to do. If my numbers have started to go down, I avoid the Methotrexate. If they are NOT going down, I get the shots. Tomorrow. Joy.

At the same time, as if my own sorrow isn't enough, my friend who lives across the street from me received a call from her doctor saying that her pap smear was VERY abnormal, and the results of the cells they tested were concerning. She's struggled with stage 3 cancer before, and went through treatments, so this news is a bit frightening for her. It's not just one of those "iffy" paps ... it's the real thing. She's a bit beside herself, and she's finding comfort in her Merlot. I feel so bad for her. I think she's putting off calling the doctor because she's afraid of what she'll hear. I can't say that I blame her.

Well ... here's to another box of orange tic tacs..... Hey... give me a break. It's how I'm dealing with my sorrow ... that, and a bucket of Eddy's Limited Peach Grove ice cream, some chocolate cake, and caffeine. I figure that since this is my 4th lost pregnancy, I deserve it, so leave me alone about it.


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