Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Here and Now!

So, here's a long message to catch everyone up... Loosing a child to miscarriage is bad... having to terminate a pregnancy is, well... badder. The guilt I felt with having to terminate the pregnancy was quite overwhelming. I didn't want to talk about it, blog about it, or even think about it.

That was back in September.

Then, November came, and along with November, lots, and lots of tests... tubes, and tubes, and tubes of blood. I had some genetic testing done to see if I had MTHFR. Yup... that's right, folks... MTHFR. In the infertile world... it's short for "mother effer." After 20 vials of blood, and I mean BIG vials of blood, we found out the dreaded news... I have MTHFR factor. To simplify, two of my genes are, well, deformed, and I don't produce folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12. So, wohoo ... one might think, big deal! But on the contrary, it IS a big deal! Women with MTFHR factor have spontaneous miscarriages between 5th and 6th weeks, and a lack of B6 and B12 directly affects rapidly reproducing cells... uh... that would be a baby. In fact, a lack of B6 and B12 causes rapidly reproducing cells to STOP reproducing. So, my doctor put me on a massive cocktail of Baby Asprin, Folic Acid, Vitamin B6 and B12... and WOW... what a difference! I got an instant jolt of energy, and come to find out, that's how I should have been feeling if I didn't have this MTHFR factor!

Then, in December, she put me on Avandia. I have a terrible reaction to Metformin, so ... Avandia it was, and another revelation... I wasn't hungry all the time, didn't have diarrhea, and was able to loose over 20 pounds! That's right, TWENTY POUNDS! And no sugar cravings, either! I love my doctor!

So low and behold... January rolls around ... and DH and I started a new IVF Cycle. Well, wouldn't you know it? I had a big 'ol cyst on my right ovary. Can't anything go smoothly??? Well, no worries, my wonderful, excellent fert doctor went in and sucked it out... just like she would a follicle. Did I mention how much I love this woman?!? Anyway, we didn't have to stop the cycle... just slow it down. A lot. But... on January 31, I had my second IVF transfer.

So, what about the Here and Now? Well, I am 8 weeks pregnant. Can you believe it? EIGHT WEEKS? I'm beside myself with excitement. What made a difference after all the IUI's and IVF's I've gone through? Well, a lot of prayer, and outstanding doctor (love her to death, I tell you), and my wonderful, life breathing vitamin cocktail.

Ladies... if you are in the process of fertility treatments, and have had numerous, inexplicable miscarriages... do yourself a favor. Stop immediately, go directly to your doctor, and INSIST that he or she see if you have MTHFR factor. If you do, start on a lovely vitamin cocktail (prescribed to you by your doctor, of course) ... and for heavens sake ... keep going! Never, NEVER give up!

The day we were supposed to find out if we were pregnant or not, I rememer saying during my morning prayers: Today is the day Lord. Today we find out if I am pregnant. Oh Lord, we have waited for so long for you to do this. We want so badly to have a child. I am so scared and worried.

And then, I remembered this scripture: 'Be anxious for nothing but in everything give thanks.'

My prayer turned to: Lord, help me to lay aside all of my anxiety. I acknowledge that you are in control over this situation. I seek you, Lord, and I trust that your plan is best. If the answer is no today, then I will still praise you. I ask for your strength and not my own. On my own I am weak and scared, but you Lord, fill me with your peace and strength.”

Later that afternoon, we got an answer. Not only was I pregnant, but my numbers were stronger than I had ever had. It was a VERY VIABLE pregnancy… And, I had to go off and find a spot to praise God with every fiber in my being.

Praise the Lord! Lord, you have looked upon us with favor. Thank you for the child within me. You have answered our prayers. After fourteen long years the day has come. "He has made the barren woman a joyful mother of children." What a blessing you have given us. We acknowledge that this is YOUR hand and your plan.

That evening, we prayed together and prayed for our child. After desiring a child for so long, we knew that the health and life of our child was in the Lord's hands. My husband was a tower of strength to me as he held my hands and prayed for our baby. Both of our families were praying and several prayer chains were started at our church and others. We felt overwhelmed with a peace knowing that God was in control. It was a miracle that fear never gripped our hearts, as I am very prone to be anxious and worrisome.

There is Hope, and it comes through Grace and Faith.


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