Infertile Meanderings ... To Infertility and Beyond!

New Name, New Start

2006-02-08T16:06:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all who gave me wonderful advice on starting over.

Today, I have finally chosen a new blog name to mark a new start in life. After fighting years of sorrow and pain that comes from infertility, God has blessed us with a beautiful baby boy. Our son is a miracle. A gift from God that warms my heart like kisses of sunshine.

Thank God for his promise that "...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5b

If you would like to join me in my new endeavor where I will share antics, stories, frolics and complaints about parenting and life in general, then please go to http://kissesofsunshine.blogspot.com/ where you will find my new entries. I hope you may find strength and comfort in them, and share good advice and encouragement with me on days that I may need it.

If you too are battling with infertility, know that you are not alone. If you have any questions or need encouragement, please feel free to email me or comment on my new blog spot... Kisses of Sunshine.

On to a new page.

Just Like A Monkey!

2006-02-07T15:31:00.000-05:00

FOUR DAYS! Yes, four days is how long it took whatever attacked my little boy to work it's course through his little body! A cold, the flu, an infection, a virus -- whatever it was, it hit him hard. He clung to me just like a little monkey for four whole days. When he whimpered or cried, it sounded hoarse. His eyes were running/tearing up. His nose was gushing. It was pitiful.

Yeah -- and to top it off, my little 4-month old boy has two, yup ...TWO teeth trying to pop through his tender gums. Yeow! My poor baby.

One of those four days, the poor soul cried the entire day STRAIGHT! I finally sent my father-in-law out to get some baby orajel. I put it on his gums, and he cried even harder because it tasted so foul. He even (literally) SPIT at me ... I kid you not. He was trying desperately to spit that foul tasting stuff out, but the taste just stayed there. If it weren't for the pain and discomfort my little man was in, I would have laughed at how cute he looked when he spit at me. Needless to say, the orajel worked, and he slept for 9-1/2 hours straight.

In fact, it startled me because he hadn't gotten up a single time through the night, so I went in to look at him to make sure he was okay, and he was sprawled on his back, arms spread eagled over his head. His face was a little blue-ish looking, so I ran my finger along his cheek, and called out his name. He didn't respond, and it scared me to death because his face was cold (it was 68 degrees in his room) so I grabbed his cheeks and hollered his name. He jumped because I startled him, but went right back to sleep. Baby boy ... NEVER do that to your momma again! Good Grief! We now have the heat set at 70. No more blue-ish faces.

Any way, it was a miserable four days, but he's all better now. Now, I have the stinking cold, or flu, or infection, or virus, or ... whatever. Not fun.

But on Sunday... well ... on Sunday, he was a perfect angel! He was quiet throughout the entire church service, and he fell asleep during the message. Just when the Pastor was calling us up for his dedication, he woke up, and just smiled and smiled and coo'd at everyone. It was endearing. Then, we had an open house at our home for 40 of our dear and close friends and family (ugh!) and it was awesome! We had a great time, and he was so well behaved! We crashed that night, and I turned to my husband and glowingly said... "I'm so proud of our boy." He turned to me and said, "Really? How Come? Because it's not like he can really do anything yet!" So, I politely reminded him about how well behaved he was for such a long day, and yes, he did agree with me that it was something to be proud of.

MEN!!! Watcha gonna do? You can't live with them, you can't live without them.

Finally, thanks for the lovely remarks on my last post. I will be thinking and praying about a new name. I'll let you know once I've got it, but it will require a lot of work transferring files to a new blog, and I have NO! Idea! How! To! Do! That! (I'm so computer illiterate!) So, look for more to come on that subject!

Have a great day!

What's in a Name?

2006-01-31T12:40:00.000-05:00

So lately, I've been struggling with the name, content and even category of my blog. Yes, I have struggled for many, many years with infertility, and it is a part of my life that I wouldn't change. I have gone through the fire, and God has seen me through it. I've come out refined, changed, stronger and more compassionate. I've learned to lean fully on God and while I may not have always understood why my life experiences included the physical and emotional pain of infertility, I had to learn to trust God's heart. His timing hasn't been my choice, but really, he has know what's best for us. The only reason we have our son is because of God's graciousness, love and mercy. He heard the cry of an old woman begging for a child, and he, in his infinite generosity, answered my pleas. On our announcement cards for our son, we used the scripture from 1 Sam 1:27 - "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him" because my life seemed to parallel Hannah's story.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to share with others my experiences, and to be able to show compassion and love to those who are in the process of struggling with fertility issues. And I firmly believe that we learn from each other's experiences... and one thing I want everyone to know is that the all wonders in my life... the love of a good and faithful husband who fears the Lord and is the strong head of our household, and the sweetness of my little son ... are all gifts to me ... little ol' me ... from my heavenly maker. "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." Ps. 9:1-2 And trust me when I say, the past 14 years have been quite an emotional roller coaster ride. Not an enjoyable one, either. But through it all, I know that the Lord has never forsaken me.

But now, my life is in a new place. We have a son. I am a mother. I am a mother who battled infertility and came out a victor. But none the less, I am now a mother. So does this put my blog in a new category all together? Am I now a part of the parenting blogsphere? While I would welcome this new club with open arms, would I be leaving behind any one who continues to struggle with infertility?

This Sunday, our son will be 4 months old. This Sunday, we will be dedicating our Son at church. This Sunday is an important milestone in the lives of Christian parents, because we acknowledge that our children are gifts from God. We present our children before God and the church asking God for grace and wisdom in carrying out our responsibilities. We also pray that through our Godly teachings and rearing, our child might one day trust Jesus Christ as their Savior and ask Him for the forgiveness of their sins. Some people baptize their infant children, but we believe that baptism symbolizes that Christ is our Savior, and at that time, we publicly confess that we are a new creation in Christ. We firmly believe that a child is baptized once they are old enough to fully understand this.

Any way, now that I've gone into a theological dissertation, my point is... we are marking an important decision as parents on Sunday. Maybe it's as good a time as any to turn a new leaf with my blog?

AAARGH!!! I just don't know what to do!!! And since no one ever comments on my blog, I'm sure I won't receive any of the much needed advice I'm seeking!

What to do, what to do...

Random Thoughts

2006-01-26T14:24:00.000-05:00

... In no particular order ...

1. I think I'd like to set up some kind of space in my home where I can begin learning how to take portraits of my son. I think I take good pictures, but I really need "a place" where to set up a wishful, yet somehow glorified studio... any thoughts on this?

2. I think I've fallen in love with one very warm, gentle, and soothing hydrotherapy table at the Chiropractors office. Uh Huh. I'm head over heals in love. It is like enveloping yourself in warmth with buoyancy, and a deliciously pulsating massage. I want one for my own house, but at about $1500 - $3000 a pop, I think I'll have to put my "want" on the back burner.

3. I came home last night from work to a nice, roaring fire in the fireplace. It was so warm, so comforting, and soooo nice. It's our first fire all season, because we had to replace the entire chimney pipe and some glass around the fireplace. I had forgotten what we were missing, and with our last gas bill at a whopping $416 bucks (cough, sputter, gag), a functioning wood burning fireplace will really come in handy now! And they smell so good!!!

4. I am tired. Plumb, tuckered out. My neck and shoulders have been incredibly stiff and sore, and the back of my head has been pounding for three weeks now. My sleep has just sucked raw eggs. It's not because I'm waking up to feed Hunter, because that really only takes 15 minutes TOPS, and he sleeps a good 7 to 8 hours a stretch. I haven't been able to get comfortable in bed because of the stiffness and soreness I'm experiencing. I finally started going to a chiropractor and I'm hoping to get enough relief between today and tomorrow so that I can sleep soundly tomorrow night, and then selfishly spend all day long in either bed or on the couch in front of the fire with my son. Oh yeah, and my husband, too.

5. We are dedicating our son at church on February 5... Super Bowl Sunday. A couple things we/I hadn't thought about except for just now... the 5th is his birthdate -- sort of -- he'll be 4 months old. Not 3-1/2, not 4-1/4, but exactly 4 months. Nice. I like round numbers. Also, it's Super Bowl Sunday. I know it doesn't really mean much, other than just being so"appropriate!" Why, you might ask? Well, you'd just have to see how fixated he gets on the TV when a football game is on. Basketball... not so much. Tennis ... why bother. But football? You'd better make sure there's a clear path to the TV for him, or he gets upset. Really! He's only (almost) 4 months old! It's the strangest thing I've ever seen. Even all my in-laws have commented on it! So, maybe he'll end up really liking football so much that he'll find a lucrative career in either playing or announcing it when he grows up, and he'll take good care of his mom and dad in their old age.

Oh, wait a minute. I'm already in my 'old age.'

The Power of Suggestion...

2006-01-24T13:41:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant, my husband and I agreed (against my better judgment) to wait and NOT find out the sex of our baby until it was born. Well... that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, because ... well ... I'm anal like that.

Anyway, at one point or another, I found the most adorable socks in the entire world. Of course, they are for girls... and the company (Trumpette) didn't have any as cute as these for boys. And of course, I had a boy. So, once our bundle of joy was born, and I decided that it would be unwise to dress him in Maryjane (http://www.trumpette.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=38) or Ballerina (http://www.trumpette.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=46) socks, I wrote the company and suggested that they make something suitable for boys like saddle shoe socks or something along those lines. Yes, I actually emailed them with this suggestion.

They emailed me back a few weeks later and said that they were creating a new sock for boys... a high top sneaker sock that looked like a pair of chucks! They said they would be available in February. Can you believe it? Is it possible that I may have been a part of their decision making process??? Naturally, I was so excited when I heard this news, and I have stalked their website religiously ... until ... FINALLY ... they have posted the new sock ... and it's so adorable (as are all their products! I've ordered some for Hunter, because face it... he HAS to be the coolest kid on the block! They are called "Johnny's" and come in a box of 6 in green, yellow, blue, orange, red and black. So cute! Check it out! http://www.trumpette.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=98

So, yeah ... I'm feeling like hot stuff right now!

To Teeth or Not to Teeth... That is the Question

2006-01-23T14:31:00.000-05:00

Is my son really teething? I just can't tell... He runs a very slight fever on and off. He's drooling so much and he's actually perfected blowing multiple bubbles out of his mouth. He has a horrifies drool rash on his chin. He's pooping a lot of wet stuff that runs up his back ... of course, that might be directly related to the fact that we started feeding him stage one foods on Wednesday, 1/18/06! Who really knows? He quiets down when I stick my knuckle in his mouth, but then all he does is suck, not really rub or chew. He rejects all cold teethers... too big for his mouth. I haven't seen any raised "blistery" looking things on his gums, or any really "white bumps" -- well, maybe I see a little bit of white -- MAYBE. It's almost like it comes and it goes.

Um ... did I mention he's only 3 months & 3 weeks old! I know that I had my first tooth at 3 months, and my husband had his first tooth at 4 months, so... dare I say that it's possible that my little boy is actually teething?

I called the doctor's office, and they said that it was possible that he could very well be teething and to give him Tylenol. I almost hesitate to give him Tylenol. Especially if I'm not "certain" that he's teething. I don't want to get into the habit of "medicating" him whenever he cries... but at the same time, I don't want him to suffer. But how do I know if he's suffering or just venting some steam?

UGGH!!! This mothering stuff is killing me because I'm not a frikin mind reader!!!

My poor babe.

I Loves Me Some Hunter!

2006-01-20T13:59:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm quoting the now famous words of Terrel Owens from the Eagles ("I loves me some me"), with my own spin, of course... because face it ... I just loves me some Hunter! I can't get enough of him. He is just the sweetest thing next to sugar. I love it when I pick him up out of his crib after a nap or in the morning when he wakes up, and he stretches his whole body -- arms and legs spread up and out -- and then curls his knees up under his belly and lays his head against my shoulder poking his round little bottom up in the air. And when I lay him down to change his diaper, he stretches again, and then looks up at me out of the tops of his eyes like he's flirting with me and smiles at me... oh, my... I loves me some Hunter.

I knew I would love my son fiercely, but no one ever warned me how hard I would fall! Or that I would catch my breath every time I peek in on him when he's sleeping, or when I see his long eyelashes sweep up and down, or whenever my lips touch the top of his downy head, or when he smiles broadly at me like I'm the only one that matters to him (yeah, okay... so he does it to his dad, too -- whatever -- this is all about me)... And no one told me just how my heart would heal after I held him for the first time in my arms!

Infertility is a long and ugly battle filled with horrible and undignified treatments, procedures, and outcomes ... I found that I was always thinking (in the back of my head), "maybe this time I'll get pregnant and it will stick..." and when "this time" finally happened, I would suddenly become too terrified to even breath for fear that I might miscarry. And when I did miscarry, my heart would shatter into a million pieces, and with each time, the healing process would take longer... and my poor, perfect husband would be at a loss of words and not know how to comfort me.

This time last year, I was in the middle of an IVF cycle. This time last year, I was feeling hope again. This time last year, I was thinking "maybe this time I'll get pregnant ... and it'll be viable, and healthy ... and soon I'll have a baby." This time last year, was my last IVF cycle ... ahem ... for the year, that is ... we still have some frozen ebryoes, and Hunter might want a baby sister some day...

This time, THIS year, 1/20/2006, I have a babyboy. He's beautiful, and perfect, and ... well ... he's Hunter. I always thought I would have a girl first, and I never could imagine being the mother of a boy, but this boy has captured my heart with one flirty look and a wet, drooling smile. Who cares that I'm not athletic, or that I don't know the first things about sports statistics, or that I don't even know how to hit a golf ball, throw a football, or do an alley-ooup (?) -- I do know how to love, cuddle, nurture, encourage, and thank goodness, my husband can fill in all the other blanks. The point is... I can't imagine my life any other way than right now. With my boy, my husband, and my dog.

Life is good. And I loves me some Hunter!

Roll Over, Big Boy!!!

2006-01-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my big boy rolled over from his back to his belly for the first time in his life! I was so excited! Then, he proceeded to do it again, then again, and then ... he began to scream because he wasn't as excited as I was about it, and he was bored! So much for entertaining mom! Of course, Dad wasn't home, and he missed all the fun, so... after his warm bath (when Dad FINALLY got home), I made him do it all over again. He wasn't too happy about it, and I actually had to scoot him a little bit onto his side so he could show off for Dad, but he obediently flipped over to his belly! Then -- he began to cry -- again -- because at this point, it was bed time, and the little man was tuckered out from all that work!

Speaking of which, I usually give him 5 to 6 ounces of formula with 4 to 4 & 1/2 tablespoons of rice cereal mixed in it as his last bed time bottle. It's about the consistency of a thick melted milkshake, and he just loves it... He's only 3 & 1/2 months old, but I really think he's ready for solids... I'm so nervous about starting him on solids before the 4 month mark because I'm afraid his pediatrician will lecture me about it ... okay, not really. What I'm REALLY afraid of is that at that point my husband will turn to me and say "I Told You So" -- man I hate those words.

I really need other opinions on this! So, please feel free to delurk and comment. Thanks a ton!!!

Things I Wish I Knew Before I Created My Baby Registry

2006-01-12T11:23:00.000-05:00

Yes, this is a loooong post, but this is a Baby Stuff Review that I wish I had before I created my baby registry or purchased stuff for the baby -- Categorized in Must-Haves, Try-N-Borrow for your baby, Decide On your Own, Don't-Gets, and Extra (my baby is now three months old, so keep that in mind as you read this). I hope that this will help even one person who is scratching their head about what to register for like I did.

First of all -- don't register for diapers or clothes. You'll receive them at your shower with or without registering for them anyway, and you'll end up getting what everyone else wants to give you, not specifically what you want!

If you really want to purchase something for the baby before it's born, then make sure it has a really cute NEWBORN size outfit and some onesies in newborn size to bring the baby home from the hospital in. Even if you think you're having a really big baby. My son was 8 lbs. 9 oz., and didn't fit into anything we had for him. We were expecting a big baby, and all the clothing and sleepers I received were 0-3 months or bigger. I thought for sure my son would be too big for the 0-3 month sizes, but it turned out that we had to go out and get several items of clothing (sleepers, onesies, etc.) in a newborn size for the first three weeks of his life. I was disappointeded, because the cute outfit I had for him to come home in (0-3 months) was so big he got swallowed up in it. I ended up having to bring him home in a gown and a t-shirt that the hospital put him in -- not as cute!

Must-Haves -- Here are eight things I absolutely love and can't live without --

1. A Digital Camera -- why? Because it is so convenient. The camera I have is a Konica/Minolta DiMage Z6. You never need to purchase film, and as long as the batteries are fresh, you're ready to go. And the thing I absolutely LOVE the most is that you can keep the pictures you want/like, delete the duds, and upload your pictures onto your computer and send them off to print either at http://www.kodakgallery.com/ (they have really great products), http://www.costco.com/PhotoCenter (need a Costco membership), or even at http://www.walmart.com/photo-center?path=0:5426&dept=5426 . I love the fact that you can have the pictures printed at any Wal-Mart or Costco across the country -- great for sharing pics with grandparents or friends and family, because they can pick them up and pay for them! Or, Kodak will mail them anywhere! Major highlights of this camera are 6 megapixels, 12X optical zoom, Anti-Shake Technology, and video ability up to 3 minutes on an empty card! How much can you expect to pay? About $300 - $350

2. A Bouncy Seat -- I chose the Infant To Toddler Bouncy/Rocker Seat by Fisher-Price -- I love this bouncy seat/rocker because it can go from infant to toddler (maximum weight of child: 40 lbs). It has calming vibrations to soothe an infant (like a ride in the car) and can also rock (like a rocking chair), three-point restraint holds baby securely in place, fold-out kickstand for feeding or sleeping, removable machine-washable seat pad, two-position recline seat, converts from infant seat to toddler rocking chair. Especially good if you had/have an enormous baby like I did! Very roomy. How much can you expect to pay? About $35
http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2011&e=detail&selcat=bgb&pid=31327

3. A Cradle Swing - Ocean Wonders Aquarium Cradle Swing by Fisher-Price -- If you have plenty of space, this is an awesome swing to get. It has beautiful and vibrant colors that have captured my sons attention -- and pictures of little neon colored fish swimming around. This swing soothes my son in two ways -- back and forth like a swing or side-to-side like a cradle (a push-button control turns the seat 90° to switch from swing to cradle). Music, soft lights and tranquil aquatic sounds also help soothe him. This swing has a water globe with changing lights & swimming characters, motorized mobile with four plush fish in bright Neon colors, eight songs & three aquatic sounds with volume control, six soothing swing speeds, deluxe machine-washable pad with infant head support, two-position reclining seat keeps baby comfy, removable toy tray with bead bar, sturdy frame legs, folds for storage & portability. How much can you expect to pay? About $99.
http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2001&e=detail&site=us&pid=31332&selcat=bgsw

4. A Take-Along Swing - If you're short on space, but still want a swing, the Take-Along Sensory Swing by Fisher-Price is awesome! We got the Linkadoos Take-Along swing for the nursery at our church, and I borrowed one for a trip I made, and my son just loved it. The Sensory Swing seems to have replaced the Linkadoos swing, but has all the same features. Even though it sits low to the ground, it has a lot going on for a small swing -- open top design making it easy to take baby in and out, a toy bar that gives baby fun things to look at with a cute black & white panda and a mirror, seven fun songs, sounds and rattles, crinkle and clacker toys, that have different textures for baby to explore which are interchangeable, and of course, five swing speeds. You can fold it up and travel very easily with it. It also has convenient carry handles on each side to let you carry it from room to room even with baby in it. It's much more affordable than the cradle swing, and saves big on space. How much can you expect to pay? About $55 http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2001&e=detail&site=us&pid=34844&selcat=bgsw

5. A Microwave Sterilizer -- I got the Express Microwave Steam Sterilizer by Avent - Many pediatricians recommend sterilizing feeding accessories and breast pump accessories to eliminate harmful bacteria. I was originally sterilizing the old fashioned way -- boiling. Hated it, and it took so long! I also found out thdoesn'te dishwasher doesn't reach the recommended temps for sterilizing, and I hated the thought of having to wait until my dishwasher was full to run it! Now, I use this on a daily basis, about 3-4 times a day (that's how much I love this product). The Avent Express Steam Sterilizers reach the recommended maximum sustained temperature of 212° (depending on the wattage of your microwave), for the fastest, easiest and safest form of home sterilization in 4 to 6 minutes. How much can you expect to pay? About $30
http://www.aventamerica.com/products/warmerssterilizers/warmerssterilizers_steam.asp

6. A Bumbo Baby Seat -- This seat is so awesome -- it was invented by a physical therapist in South Africa and has been used by Europeans for a long time, but has just recently become known here in America. The Bumbo Seat is designed to fit a baby's posture. Babies can sit upright in a Bumbo Seat as soon as they have head control. More importantly, it helps them develop the trunk control they need to sit up on their own. It is recommended by pediatricians, orthopedists, and physical therapists so you know it is good for your baby. The Bumbo Seat is made from a low-density foam material, which makes it lightweight and portable. It is soft and comfortable for the baby, and it is designed so that the baby's own body weight keeps baby in place. The Bumbo Seat's key feature is that it places your baby's bottom at a lower level than the leg openings. This seating position provides excellent support for the lumbar area of the vertebral column. Suggested Age (8 weeks to 12 months) How much can you expect to pay? About $40 - $45 http://www.bumboseat.com/

7. A good Monitor -- We got the Private Connection Monitor with Dual Receivers - This is a great monitor that allows you to have as private a connection as possible. This monitor gives you a choice of 10 channels choose from to reduce the likelihood of someone picking up your transmission. Plus, 900 MHz technology offers a more powerful signal, with excellent clarity and greater range than most nursery monitors. The monitors also have sound lights and rechargeable batteries, and dual receivers for added convenience. How much can you expect to pay? About $55 - $60
http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2001&e=detail&site=us&pid=35271&selcat=bgm

8. A portable Bath Tub -- We have the Sure Comfort Newborn-to-Toddler Tub -- This newborn-to-toddler tub has an awesome mesh cradle/sling/hammock thing that attaches onto the tub so that you can give your very new new-born a bath and they just float on the water with no fear of them sliding under! My son loved the feeling! The tub also has foam pads that cradle infants, and an upright backrest which provides additional support for toddlers. Toys, wash towel or rinse water can be held in the built-in basin. Mildew-resistant pads are machine washable and quick drying for easy clean up. A temperature guard drain plug changes color to indicate when water is too hot. Fits double and single kitchen sinks. How much can you expect to pay? About $17

Try-n-Borrow:

1. A bassinet -- They are costly, and the baby is not in them long enough to really make it a worthwhile expense. My son moved out of his and into his crib after 2-1/2 months -- thank goodness my sister loaned me hers.
2. A Pack-N-Play with a Bassinet feature if you have a two story home so that you can have an extra place to place the baby when they sleep. You end up having to get so much, that I would have saved $100 if I had borrowed one instead of purchased one!
3. Boppy nursing pillow -- you may or may not end up using this or even liking this product. I was so excited about nursing, but my milk never quite came in, so I ended up formula feeding. I had registered for this item and received it as a shower gift, but when I was able to nurse (first 5 weeks of his life), my son liked to nurse in the football hold, and I just found it a bit awkward with the Boppy. For a while, I would use it to lay him on so he was slightly elevated and could look around. Now, it just sits in the corner.

Decide on Your Own:

1. You're on your own when it comes to Infant Car Seats and strollers. I was given the Graco SnugRide infant car seat in the Central Park Pattern for a shower gift (I registered for it), and I have to say that I'm really disappointed with it. First of all, it sits at such a steep angle that the baby is sitting almost upright. My son hates that. Second of all, it had the wrong parts for the Canopy, and since my son came early, I didn't have time to exchange it and had to use it right away. Now I'm stuck with it. Finally, it is recommended for up to 22 pounds and 29 inches. My son is at 16 pounds right now (not quite 4 months old), and is really, really long -- the doctor told us he'll be out of it very soon, and he can't even sit on his own yet! At $150, it's a big investment to not be totally happy with it. Ask around for other parent's opinions before you make such a big purchase (on the other hand, you may be totally happy with it!). (I think Graco has just changed their seats within the past three years or so -- not as comfortable as they used to be)
2. While I am disappointed with the Graco SnugRide infant car seat, I absolutely love the Graco Quattro Tour LX. I love the look of it, the feel of it, it is very sturdy, rugged, and has an excellent braking system on it. It is compatible with the Graco SnugRide infant car seat, and while I hate the car seat, I love that they work together. It has a combination 3 point/5 point harness that keeps the baby snug and safe, a removable weather protection boot for chilly or windy days, advanced durable aluminum frame for years of use, 4-position flat recline with occupant retention creates cocoon like environment, one hand Gravity Fold, child's tray with snack and cup holder pivots open with one hand for easy entry, parent organizer tray has a secure accessory compartment for keys and cell phones that you can access even after you fold it, infant head support and deep side wings for extra napping support and comfort, reversible canopy with peek-a-boo window, front suspension with lockable front swivel wheels, ergonomically designed handle for easy steering, awesome one touch brake that uses the bottom of your shoe both when locking and unlocking the stroller, large drop down storage basket, and for the gadget inclined daddy -- it comes with a time and temp comfort tracker. For $160, it is quite a luxurious purchase, but well worth the expense. I feel that this particular stroller will last me a long, long time.
3. Another thing for you to decide on your own about... Onesies. I love long-sleeved onesies - especially since my son was born in October, and it's only January right now. He'll wear short sleeved onesies in the spring and summer, but for now, I want to make sure he's warm enough. I found that Carters makes long sleeved onesies that are not finished very well whreputationy surprised me, given Carter's reputaton. The sleeves aren't even hemmed well stitchhey are simply surged (the zig-zag stich). They are made of a cheap cotton that disappointedut of shape, too. I was very disapointed in Carters. Gerber, on the other hand, has beautifully finished long-gaugee onesies in a nice, durable heavy guage cotton (which is so soft) with double hems around the collar, sleeves and legs. They keep their shape nicely, and they come in all white (which is what I like to put on him under all his sleepers or clothing) or color. Long-sleeved onesies of any kind are very hard to find ... especially newborn size, so if you see them, grab them up. While I prefer Gerber brand, I do have many Carter long-sleeve onesies because I just couldn't find them when he changed sizes, but like I said, it's up to you what brand you'll like better! (I found that Target had the best inventory of Gerber long-sleeved onesies.)

Don't-Gets -- Don't wast your money or time on these products

1. Wipes Warmer -- Waste of money-- Really, it is.
2. Sounds 'n Lights Monitor by Fisher-Price -- picks up a lot of static and background noise -- not great -- inexpensive, but not worth it.
3. Crib CD Player with Light -- not loud enough -- go with a regular portable boom-box.
4. Grab N Go Bottle Warmer doesn't concept, it's a neat idea -- in reality -- it doesn't really work well. Especially if your baby likes the Playtex nursers like mine does. It doesn't heat through the hard plastic bottle part to the drop-in. I find that a cup of hot water from a restaurant heats the bottle much faster.
5. Don't commit yourself to any particular bottle until you know exactly what your baby will like. I registered for Avent bottles, and ended up with tons of them, and while they are great bottles, my son hated them. Whenever he used the Avent bottles, formula would pour out of the nipple and down his face. He needed a bigger, rounder nipple that he could get a better latch on, so we ended up using the Playtex nursers with the drop-in bags. Less to sterilize, and his mouth fit perfectly around the nipple (soft and shaped more like the breast). Now we have a lot of Avent bottles we can't return. I just use them to heat his formula in. What a waste!
6. Specialty diaper pails -- Why bother? The Sassy Diaper Sacks work really well, and if you don't want to use those, you can always use zip-loc baggies from the dollar store. I prefer the convenience of the sacks, and since we only have one, maybe two poopy diapers per day, I'd rather tie them off and toss them in the kitchen trash (it gets taken out daily). The bags smell like baby powder and neutralize the stinky smell. I use a regular trash can with a lid in the nursery for wet diapers and empty it every two to three days. No smells and much more convenient for me (and cheaper) than using a diaper pail that has to be twisted, cut, or have filters replaced, etc. They run about $2.50 for 50 Sassy Diaper Sacks.
7. Disposable Changing Pads - waste of money. I found that Fisher Price has a really nice folding portable changing pad that fits neatly in my diaper bag. It is bright blue, and again, has those lovely neon fishies on it. I love it because it has a container for wipes and pockets for diapers. If I'm out and need to change a diaper, I'll grab only this out of my diaper bag (as opposed to carrying the whole bag), go into the public restroom and use their public diaper station with my portable changing pad. I'll even use it on a couch or bed to protect the fabric. I keep a cloth diaper inside so the baby isn't sitting on vinyl (or whatever it's made out of). It's much more economical for me.
8. Don't get any blankets, onesies, or clothing (in fact, don't get any baby things) until AFTER your shower(s). You will get a lot of everything, and may even get duplicates. I ended up doing a lot of returns. Target will allow you to return without a receipt as long as you have a registry with them. You just print out your registry and take it to the counter - it doesn't matter whether the item is on the regreceiptr not. Wal-Mart allows you to return items without a reciept three times in one year, so gather everything together and make one receiptturn. Toys-R-Us allows you to return items without a reciept and no questions asked. As long as each of these stores carries the item you are returning, then it doesn't matter that the person didn't actually purchase it there. They'll take it back.

Extra --

1. I found Pampers Swadlers to be the very best diaper for infants. They say they go up to 18 pounds, but trust me, they don't. My son was out of stage 2 Swadlers at 13 pounds. They are nice and thick, and have stretchy sides. I NEVER had any leaks with them.
2. I found Pampers Baby Dry diapers to be just awful. My son leaked in them all the time. I had to throw away an entire pack because I was so unhappy with them.
3. Luvs Diapers in general are awful... leaks, leaks, leaks. Threw away a whole package of these, too. They are thin and just plain yucky feeling.
4. Huggies "Baby-Shaped" Diapers are awesome! They are contoured, and have elastic around the back to fit the baby snuggly without being tight. Very nice and thick. I haven't had any leaks with them. They fit my growing boy ever so well. I love, love, love them. I only wish I had tried the Newborn diapers.
5. I really love Huggies Shea Butter Wipes - they say that they help maintain naturally healthy skin. They also have a very pleasant soothing scent -- kind of like suntan lotion. Plus, they're cushiony thick for a gentle cleaning and are alcohol free. They come in the easy, one-handed Pop-Up dispensing, and they are the only wipes available with Shea Butter.
6. I really love the Lavender Baby Wash and baby lotion - I love how the lavender baby wash smells - very gentle and soft, and it really does seem to relax my son after a bath. I have used both Huggies and Johnson & Johnson brands, and they both seem to be the same.
7. DON'T RETURN ANY MEDICATION YOU MIGHT GET AT YOUR SHOWER (i.e.: Mylecon, Infant Tylenol, etc.). I made this mistake and ended up having to re-purchase what I returned, and then some. You WILL need the meds at some point, and they are not cheap. Keep them tucked away in a medicine chest until you need them -- babies get gassy, and you can't overdose with Mylecon-- you'll go through it quickly. Tylenol is expensive, and unbelievably, my son started teething at 2-1/2 months old... I went through a bottle of Tylenol in less than three days.

Well ... this is all I can think of right now. I hope this has been helpful to you! Let me know if you have any questions or have anything you want to add.

Reflections and Comfort

2006-01-04T15:54:00.000-05:00

What? You expected me to post regularly? People, all my free time is consumed with bogies, poopies, and burpies! And man, don't I love it!

In case you were wondering ... My Christmas was absolutely w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l !!! I got to spend 10 whole days with my boys ... my ever doting husband, and my very delightful son. I could just smooch his chubby cheeks all day long (my son's, that is)! But, as luck would have it ... I'm back at work now, and trust me when I say ... depression has set in! But, fortunately, I've spared the people around me and taken my frustrations out on food ... in fact, just today I had a large popcorn chicken, a side of coleslaw, and two dessert buckets from KFC --- ah, comfort food! Seriously, though... I'd much rather be nibbling on chubby little toes and fingers!

Seriously -- My husband and I are so blessed with our son -- he is so easy going, so good natured, and so happy. He has started cooing, chit chatting, and squealing... he even surprises himself sometimes with the sounds he makes. He laughs, giggles, and smiles all the time, and he even flirts by peeking out of the tops of his eyes! He has found his chubby little hands now, and clasps them together like he IS the champion of the Hand Finding event. He is so adorable.

I can honestly say that he is truly an answer to many prayers, and a delightful gift from God. I faced so many un-knowns and scary things while I was pregnant in 2005, but even with all the trials we had throughout the pregnancy, God, in His infinite wisdom, chose to bless us with a wonderful, beautiful, calm and happy baby boy.

Man, how my life has changed in the space of twelve months! This time last year, I was going through my second IVF, and was actually told that it would have to be postponed or possibly cancelled because I had a rather large ovarian cyst. I was so depressed, but my wonderful, wonderful and most awesome RE said she would aspirate the cyst, and after a few delays, our transfer took place on 1/30/05, and lo and behold... I became pregnant and carried the baby until he was healthy and ready to come out on his own... all happy and chubby!!!

It breaks my heart to know that so many women, both friend and stranger, still struggle with the curse of infertility. But know that you are not alone. There are so many people that love you, understand what you are going through, and are praying for you. And although I hadn't really given it much thought ... I guess having my son takes me out of the rankings of an infertile now, but for anyone reading this post that struggles with infertility, whether it is primary or secondary, I have one message I want you to walk away with... You may be in the beginning of your struggle with infertility, and may not know what's ahead of you, or you may be stuck in the quicksand of despair, heartbreak and discouragement after having struggled for months, or years of infertility and numerous treatments... KNOW THAT EVEN WHILE YOU STRUGGLE, THERE IS HOPE, AND THERE IS SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU AND WANTS THE VERY BEST FOR YOU.

Many times I questioned God's timing ... why did I have so many miscarriages? Why were the best 15 years of my life consumed with infertility? Why did it take so many treatments, IUI's and IVF's before finally getting pregnant? But looking back, even though it seemed like I was in my blackest hole of despair, I can honestly say that God never left me. He always sent me his love in ways I never expected ... through my loving and devoted husband, who truly is the love of my life (with my son at a close second), through the gentle touch of a close friend, through the words of a poem or scripture, through the tunes of a favored song, through a freshly cut flower from the garden, or through the quiet message sent through a sermon ... I was never alone. When I couldn't see God next to me, I knew he was carrying me (as the old poem Footprints in the Sand tells us).

There is light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. There is someone who cares for you. There is someone that knows and understands what you're going through. And... there is a Greater Someone who wants to surround you with His grace and love.

Please ... if you are struggling ... reach out and let me know. I would love to be a comfort to you, and hopefully, reach out God's love to you in a soft and caring way.

Have a blessed New Year.

Stuff ...

2005-12-16T15:57:00.000-05:00

Is it possible? Three more toys, and one book and I’ll be done with my Christmas shopping. I’m about 1/2 way done wrapping presents, too!

This week, Hunter’s been a little bit under the weather … fighting a virus. Poor kid has had a small fever of 99.7 degrees – nothing too alarming, but after 5 days, you start to worry. He’s been crabby, and he wants his momma. The problem is… I work … full time. I took off Wed and Thurs to care for my boy. His temp broke yesterday and went to normal around 1-ish, when he proceeded to vomit all over me 4 (yes, FOUR) times -- projectile vomit. And none of it got on him, either! How do babies do that???

Anyway … this weekend, we have three open houses -- all on Saturday, and all for very good friends. We don’t want to miss any of them, and we’re trying to figure out how to juggle all of them. Also, I want to bake this weekend. I usually make something for my neighbors… we have a great neighborhood! Last year, I made chocolate-chocolate chip bundt cakes with a chocolate glaze. Now… am I crazy to take on baking with a 2 month old baby, or what??? Actually, I’m making easy things… mostly candy type of things like pretzels with chocolate, saltine cracker toffee, and some sugar cookies (using pre-made cookie dough, of course). They’re just going to have to be happy with a goodie box instead of a scrumptious cake.

Now, I may have to strap the kid on to me with a long sheet or something so I can move around and still hold him. Especially if he doesn’t feel well. We’ll have to see how it goes!

On another note, our announcements finally arrived. I stuffed the envelopes and mailed them out last week, and everyone that has gotten them has melted! They are so adorable … of course, it really is the picture of Hunter that they are melting over! I had to order an extra 20 today, because I ran out of them, and didn’t even have one left for his album!

And, last but not least… I finally got a decent picture for our Christmas card. The baby wouldn’t cooperate! It’s tough taking pictures of babies! I ended up going with a 4x6 family shot on the front, and putting a wallet sized one of Hunter inside the cards. Next year, I’ll probably do it the other way around… Can’t wait to pick them up tonight and get them assembled and sent off this weekend … yeah! Something else for me to do!!!

I LOVE Weekends!!!

2005-12-05T13:29:00.000-05:00

OH MY GOSH! My son is so adorable! He is perfect in every way possible... really ... he is! This weekend, he was lying on my bed while I was changing his diaper, and his daddy was standing beside the bed looking down at him and talking baby talk to him, when wouldn't you know it... my boy SMILED and LAUGHED at the same time to his dad! LAUGHED!

My son is quite advanced, I must say! He is now pushing himself up with his arms, and he will stand up straight while you hold him! He's only two months, but in my eyes, my boy is a genius!

Anyway ... Life is good, because there is nothing better than a smile and a laugh.

The story continues...

2005-11-30T11:25:00.000-05:00

After two tries, the epidural finally worked. The doctor that gave it to me had NO bedside manner. I had warned him that I had a cortisone epidural for my back a year ago, and it took 12 vials of lidocaine (sp?) to numb my back, and that the doctor had a lot of trouble finding my epidural spot, and had advised me to share this information with the anestesiologist whenever I had a baby. Well, TWO vials of lidocaine later (no, he did NOT listen to me), I could feel the needle perfectly. I felt grinding in my back, hot pain. But the end result was a good epidural. I couldn't feel anything, and couldn't even move my legs!

The epidural slowed down everything. I would probalby have given birth by noon if I hadn't received one, but that was NOT an option.

By around 7:30 p.m., the doctor told me I was ready to push, and an hour after I started pushing, my beautiful son was born. It really was a great birthing experience. I had little pain, and I had great a doctor and nurses.

Well, needless to say, time has a way of getting away from you. I have spent the last 8 weeks loving and adoring my big baby boy! He is such a joy. I love watching his face and I could eat his chubby cheeks right up!

Last Monday, 11/21/05 was my first day back to work. I actually went back to a new position within my company, and I was so tired. Hunter still wakes up at 3 or 3:30 to eat, and I was so anxious all night long about leaving him in day care and going to work, that I didn’t get much sleep. I was tired all day long, but other than that, I did relatively well! I only called the daycare provider once. She said he did really well during the day. That was a relief to me!

That night, however, was a different story. I think he sensed that I wasn’t with him all day long and I really think he missed me. He wouldn’t let me put him down at all. When I gave him his last evening bottle at 10:30, he wouldn’t lay down to sleep. I was up with him until 1 am, and then up again at 3 to feed him, then up again at 6 to go to work. I am so tired today, I can barely think. My body is aching, my muscles are screaming, my nose is runny, and my throat hurts. Oh… lack of sleep is just lovely. I didn’t experience any of this while I was at home, because I always got to go back to sleep after his feeds in the middle of the night and early morning.

I know it will take some time to adjust, and this week seems to be much easier. Hunter is sleeping longer and longer, and I think that by this weekend, he may even sleep the whole night through.

"HADaBABYit'saBOY!"

2005-10-12T18:59:00.000-05:00

Yes!!! Our baby boy, Hunter Thomas, was born on October 5, 2005, at 8:32 p.m., weighing in at a HEFTY 8.9 pounds, and 21" long -- THREE WEEKS EARLY...

Can you imagine if we had gone to term with him??? YEOW!

So, now I'm spending all of my time at home admiring my handsome boy ... but I'll give you a quick recap of the birth story... because it went FAST, in my humble opinion.

It really all began on Saturday morning, Oct 1, when I lost my mucas plug. Later in the morning, we went to Buy Buy Baby to purchase a stroller and a few other items I felt were crucial for us to have before the baby arrived... in a sense, NESTING. I returned from this shopping trip feeling very tired, and achy in my lower back.

Sunday afternoon (10/2), we had a tour of the hospital. The entire time (I kid you not), I was having contractions. Mild, but uncomfortable. I just assumed it was either false labor, or Braxton Hicks.

Monday afternoon (10/3), my husband played hookie with me because he was concerned about my discomfort, and we went out for lunch with friends, and then on to the Parinatologist to have the baby measured. The doctor said that the baby looked to be weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz, (hmmm ... very interesting) and assured us that all looked well, and we had nothing to worry about right now. He thought we'd have a good sized baby in three weeks, but probably only about 9 pounds, and he didn't see a need to move the delivery up any. We went out for dinner to celebrate, and I arrived at home feeling relieved... very relieved, but tired.

Tuesday afternoon (10/4), I spent the entire day washing baby clothing, baby towels, blankets, cloth diapers, sorting, folding, and storing everything in the hamper until my husband finished putting together the dresser. What can I say ... even though I was put on bedrest, I was still ... "NESTING!"

Wednesday morning (10/5), 5:00 a.m. -- my husband had just left for work. He works about 40 minutes away. The baby shifted lower in the belly leaving me feeling a bit uncomfortable. Then it gave be a swift punch in the abdomen. I had just finished telling the baby that I was going to have to tell it's daddy that it wasn't being nice to it's momma, when I felt a strange rush of warm liquid. I ran to the bathroom, and found that it was continuing to flow at the rate of a gush here, a gush there, leaving me to assume that my water broke.

So, I calmly (yeah, right)... and slowly, (uhuh) went back to bed and tried to get in touch with my husband on his cell phone. I dialed, heard it ringing in the phone, and then heard it ringing downstairs. HELLO!!! He left his phone at home! Who does that when your wife is 37 weeks pregnant? Evidently, he does! So, I called his job (it was around 6:10 now). They paged him, and then came back to the phone to say he wasn't picking up and maybe he wasn't coming in to work. I said, yes, he is, and told them that this was his wife and I had a small emergency at home, and asked them to find him and have him call me immediately.

Within 10 minutes, he called me. He later told me he thought that this small emergency was something like a broken pipe, or the AC wasn't working, so when I told him I thought my water broke, and that I had been having mild (very) contractions since 5:15 a.m., he was totally thrown off balance. In fact he began questioning me ... "what color is it?" "is it like the mucus plug?" "how much?" After I answered all "his very important questions" -- He suggested that I call the doctor when their office opened -- 9:00 or 9:30 a.m. So we hung up. I felt nasty, so, while I was recording the contractions (5 minutes apart), I jumped in the shower, and the contractions just kept coming, and coming and COMING ... harder, harder, HARDER. By the time I got out of the shower, they were about 3-4 minutes apart. Now, we never made it to a birthing class, so really, I had no idea what this meant other than they hurt ... BAD. I called my hubby back and told him to come hoe right now, and explained what I was feeling.

He got to the house by 7:00 a.m. and found me sitting on the edge of the bed, nakied from the waist up, underwear and pad on from the waist down, breathing through some massive contractions and moaning that it hurt. He tried to call tmy OB, but we couldn't find his phone number any where. I finally got it from calling 411. The OB said to hustle my butt into the hospital, which was 35 minutes away, going in the flow of traffic. I quickly tried to dry my hair (not something I recommend during active labor), got into the car, pulled out of our neighborhood and hit a wall of traffic trying to get onto the highway. Great. We sat like that for 15 minutes before he flipped a U-turn and went out another way. He hit the highway, and said a silent prayer asking God to get us to the hospital without any traffic issues, and without delivering this child in the car. And He answered our prayers. Miraculously, the traffic was light and steady moving at 75 MPH (contrary to the traffic reports). I only remember the pain and constantly moaning "I can't do this." He kept saying, "but you are!"

He pulled up to the Emergency room, got me a wheel chair (which I could barely roll out of the Expedition to get into in between contractions which were now 2 minutes apart). He wheeled me up to labor and delivery and went back to move the car while I changed into a lovely hospital gown and they got me settled. He arrived just in time to hear the doctor on call announce that I was 5 cm dialated already, and to hear me politely demanding an epidural.

The nastiest I got to my husband was while he was trying to help me breath through a contraction. He said that he was telling me to relax, breath through it, when I raised my fist and shook it at him and said "SHUT UP!" --- I don't remember that at all.

Well, that's all for now... My boy is waking up, and it's time for me to feed him. I'll have to post more tomorrow (hopefully)!

Stressed Beyond Measure...

2005-09-27T11:57:00.000-05:00

So, now I'm stressed ... way more than I should be, probably, but still... I can't help it.

Have you been here ... http://leerypolyp.blogs.com/the_leery_polyp/ lately? Well, Jo has graciously started sharing the whole truth, and nuttin but the truth, about her delivery story, and let me just say ... I'm reaaaaalllly getting scared! She went through so much pain, and suffered several scares, and let me just go on record saying... I'm the biggest baby that ever walked the face of this earth, and I pitty... yes ... PITTY my doctor, because he just doesn't know what he's in for. It's too late for me to turn back, obviously, but I sure do want to ... at full speed, too!

I'm pretty certain my husband would fully agree that I.DO.NOT.HANDLE.PAIN.WELL.

So, last week, my wonderful OB said that if I wanted to go out now, he'd write me a note. Anything I wanted, he'd approve. I had really left that appointment feeling so much better, but not quite ready to stop working yet. Well, this week, I feel differently. The baby is ridding low. Very low. And, it's doing weird things at night ... strange movements that extend body parts out the sides of my own body, rendering it nearly impossible to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. My feet have really been swollen pretty much all day and night now, and they ache. My stomach aches... not the skin, not the stomach on the inside, but on the outside. It feels like I've been beaten in the stomach. And, it's uncomfortably and at times painfully hard all the time. My poor back is aching, too. Okay -- everything hurt.

So, this week (yesterday), I decided I was ready to go on a reduced work schedule... maybe work 6 hours so that by the end of the afternoon, but while it's relatively still early, I can go home and just rest without interfering with my night time sleep. So, yesterday, I called the great coordinator of disability forms at my OB's office, and relayed the conversation I had had with my OB (on her voice mail, of course), and asked her to fill the form out with a starting date of this past Monday, for a 6 hour work day. Today, she called me back to say she can't do that because there are no notes in my chart from my doctor indicating that he's willing to do this, or that I have medical reason to do this. So... after arguing with her about it for about a half hour insisting that my OB said I had sufficient medical reason to go out with the low amniotic fluid and with the gestational diabetes, and stressing out even more that now I have to continue working in a zombie like state, it has all left me on the verge of tears, and I finally agreed to "re-discuss" it with my OB tomorrow just so I could get off the phone. And TRUST me... I will!

But for now, I must get back to work. I have a critical deadline for Friday that I will miss if I keep chatting like this. And I'm leaving early today, with or without a doctor's note. I need to lay down and put some support under this huge belly of mine, so I can find a wee bit of relief. Maybe I'll get to nap a little, too?

One can only hope.

Just Because...

2005-09-23T11:49:00.000-05:00

WARNING... Long post ahead...

Okay ... I haven't posted in FOREVER ... just because... Because I haven't been feeling well, haven't been resting well, and haven't really been myself lately.

But before I get into all that jazz, my baby shower was on the 17th, and it was simply divine. I had a wonderful time... of course I don't remember half of it, and I didn't get to talk to half of the people that were there (about 50), but it was a great time. I got so many wonderful gifts -- all of them necessary and practical. I feel quite overwhelmed and blessed by everyone's generosity and outpouring of love. I even had a friend from Ohio show up and surprise me! That was the best surprise ever. Now, I have an entire floor of bags, boxes, bows, and tissue stockpiled in my living room. I really need to sort through everything, but just looking at it all overwhelms me! Then, on the 18th, we went to my aunt's home for a luncheon, and we got even more gifts. It was ... well ... something else! At this shower, I got all frilly and fine little outfits, mostly in white, hand crocheted little white booties, hand made little white cotton eyelet things, delicate little sleepers, dainty little bibs, things for baby dedications, hand made photo albums lined in silk, etc. Do you know what this means? It means I'm going to have to starch, bleach, starch... ugh! I think I prefer practical and necessary gifts! No, really.... I do!!!

Onto my health... Well, this past week, I have had three doctor's appointments, and I have my FOURTH this afternoon.

Monday, I saw the perinatologist, who did a biophysical profile of the baby, and discovered that my amniotic fluid level has gone from 15 cm (last week), to 7.1 cm. Ummmm ... that's not such a good thing. And, where's it going, anyway?

Then, on Wednesday, for my second appointment of the week, I saw my OB, and for the second time, I had a non-stress test. Needless to say, this child did NOT perform. Again. And ... I was strapped to the machine for 2 hours. Fortunately, my hubby was with me, so I was entertained, and didn't burst into tears over the discomfort of lying on a hard exam table that slopes DOWNWARD for two hours. The lovely vinyl they cover those tables in causes ... er .... sweating ... and the additional downward slope caused a bit of sliding. The paper I was laying on was plastered to my back and butt, shredded from sliding down, and pushing back up. Sliding down, and pushing back up. Sliding down... well... you get the picture. Then, my OB came in to do my GBS test, and while he was swabbing, asked if he had done this before. I told him yes, and that he had said at the time that I was colonized, and he just flicked the swab into the trash and said, "well, once colonized, always colonized. No need to retest!" Then he told me we'd wait until the end of my 37th week (next week) to get a growth measurement on the baby to decide when we're going to deliver. He also told me that if I wanted to go out now, he'd write me a note. Anything I wanted, he'd approve. I felt so much better after hearing this.

My THIRD appointment was yesterday to have a sonogram of my heart done (echocardiogram). They want to see if it is still enlarging or staying the same. The appointment was for two. I walked in at 1:50. I asked them to check if I owed a copay for the last visit, and boy, did they check that out fast! Within minutes, they called me back to the counter to straighten my account up. Now, usually, I'm in and out within thirty minutes. This time... after they sent be back to the waiting room, I waited for 1 hour and 15 minutes. It was so hot and still in the waiting room. I started to fan myself. Then, I started to wiggle around because I was so uncomfortable. Then, my head started to spin. I could only assume I was lightheaded because I hadn't had my afternoon snack yet. My sugar was in the 70s. Low. So, at that point, and close to the verge of tears for some reason, I went up to the counter to complain. They just looked at me and said, "you're still here?" Uhhh ... YEAH... a full hour and fifteen minutes later, people. I told them this was totally unacceptable. They went to get my chart... couldn't find it... looked me up on the list ... finally found my chart and said they'd be with me in 5 minutes. I went to the restroom and melted into tears. I have no idea why, I just did. Maybe because I was all alone. Any way, I came back out, red faced from crying, and they took me back. I had a new person do the sonogram, and the idiot had me lying FLAT on my back. She asked me how far along I was.... I told her over 36 weeks. She suggested I lye on my left side and raise my left arm over my head. I had to put my right hand under my belly to hold it, but she asked me to move it out of the way. I told her, "well, I need something there to support the baby" and she asked me if I wanted a pillow... YA THINK??? Needless to say ... I had tears rolling out of my eyes the whole exam. I couldn't wait to get out of there and get home. What a dreadful appointment.

Today is my fourth ... with the perinatologist again. We're re-measuring the fluid to see what's going on ... is it getting lower, staying the same, or getting better. I have a feeling I'll end up on bed rest.

So... that's been my stressful and demanding past 7 days. And to top it all off, I have a financial forecast close at work these next two weeks. I'm tired and stressed beyond measure. It's time for me to go out... at least on a reduced work schedule.

2005-09-13T15:01:00.000-05:00

It feels like forever since I last posted. It really isn't... but my memory is fried from lack of sleep, in-office floating germs that my coworkers are nice enough to share, and a snoring husband... so I can't remember what I've posted about.

In any case... I saw the perinatologist yesterday, and hooray for me... I've done an excellent job at controlling my blood sugars. The baby is measuring 34 weeks and 3 days ... which is good, because I'm at 35 weeks tomorrow. Also, the baby's abdomen is measuring at 36 weeks. It's nice and round... a chubby tubby baby! Shaped just like it's daddy... slender all over, except for his big buddah belly! Thank God the sonos show that the baby has my nose, and not my overall rubenesque (sp?) figure!

Have you ever felt like time was just FLYING! I can't believe I'm at 35 weeks, and the baby might possibly be here in another 4 weeks if they keep the moved-up date! Yikes! I'll be a mommy soon. After so many years (15) of not being able to hold my own child, I think I'll be totally bowled over and overwhelmed by the whole experience. Of course, I'm going to be walking with a walker or a cane because I'll be so freaking old (38), but hey ... I'm not going to complain!

In the last week, my feet have started to swell, and let me just say ... it is soooo unbecoming. Disgusting, in fact. I've been keeping a close eye on my blood pressure, too, and while it's still low (last night it was 123/86), it's slowly creeping up (that's from 106/76 last week). THAT's what makes me nervous.

Why, you might ask? Well ... My sister was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia with her first child (she now has 4). Poor thing ... she was soooo swollen, and her blood pressure was so high. She was rushed to the hospital by my mom, because one morning, she woke up and couldn't straighten herself up because of the pain in her kidneys. They were shutting down. Upon further research of my own, I think she more likely had HELLP. Here are some symptoms of HELLP:

1) severely disturbed blood clotting function, leading to heavy, uncontrollable bleeding, particularly after surgery;
2) severe liver damage, which can lead to failure or even rupture of this vital organ;
3) severe kidney problems, including kidney failure;
4) breathing difficulties, which may be severe enough for the mother to need artificial ventilation
5) stroke (cerebral hemorrhage) with or without eclampsia (convulsions).

Out of the 5 symptoms, she had 2 ... her kidney's were beginning to shut down, and she had heavy, uncontrollable bleeding after the baby was born for 15 weeks. I don't think that HELLP was well know back when she gave birth to her first born, but I would tend to think she had a bit of both HELLP and pre-eclampsia.

So, trust me when I say, I'm staying on top of all my little woes and keeping my doctor well informed. I'm sure he's just as pleased as pie!

On another note... something strange has popped up, and I'm sure it has to do with the fact that all my lovely ligaments are loosey-goosey, and are moving around. My JAW, of all things, is killing me. It feels like it has slidden (is that a real word? it is now!) out of place just a wee bit. It feels kind of like lock jaw, and my teeth feel funny when I clamp down... like they are off centered and not lining up properly. It happened once or twice earlier on in my pregnancy, and it's happening again, so I'm certain it'll go away soon, but for the meantime, it's uncomfortable. That's the story of my life. Uncomfortable.

Good news, though... my momma and poppa are pulling into town this evening and will be here for 7 days. Yeah! We'll be hanging window treatments in the nursery, and making it look all lovely and adorable for the baby! AND ... I have a shower on Saturday (9/17) AND on Sunday (9/18)!!! The one on Saturday is being hosted by my sister (the one I was talking about up above) and sister-in-law... so that means my sister is coming into town on Friday with three of her kids (the girls) ... I -- CAN'T -- WAIT!!! (she's from NC too)

Quick!!! Someone PINCH me!

Did I jinx myself?

2005-09-02T12:45:00.000-05:00

Today, I am feeling very, very tired. Not sure why, other than this huge belly I'm lugging around, because I had a really decent night's sleep last night. Work is very slow today, so, fortunately, I'll be leaving early, and I'll be able to go straight home and lay down and relax. Sometimes, it feels great just to lay down... no nap needed, just laying down and taking the pressure off of my body works wonders to "restore" me.

It's ironic that I posted yesterday about my dream of my blood glucose reading dropping, because today, it did. Is it possible I jinxed myself when I dared to share my dream with y'all? It was the first "real" time it's ever happened, and it was a bit weird, and worrisome. I had a low sugar pancake and sugar free syrup and diet coke for breakfast (breakfast of champions), and 2 hours later (11:15), my sugar was at 135. Pretty decent. So I went out with a friend for lunch at 11:30 to walk around Target. Then I went to Wendy's to get a taco salad... sans chips, and a diet coke -- all to go. Low carb, and all!

By the time I got back to my office at 12:25 pm, I was feeling light headed, shaky and weak. I thought it was because I was hungry, so I started to wolf my salad down, but it wasn't getting any better, so I decided to take another reading, and it came in at 70. I kid you not. I think that's the lowest a diabetic wants it to be at. I know it's not LOW-low, but I was FEELING bad. A coworker gave me a bite of her choc chip cookie (because every stinking thing I have at my desk is sugar free). I finished my salad, and then I went and got an oatmeal cookie at the cafeteria. I measure again in another hour, but I'm feeling "okay" right now. Tired, weak, but not shaky, which was so scary!

I googled it a bit, and found out that it probably crashed so low (within an hour) because I had 1)not eaten enough food this morning, 2) didn't have a snack, and 3) had "exercised" by walking around Target (ummm... and writing a check out at Target, ehem) ... because it certainly wasn't because I indulged in too much alcohol (unfortunately). Evidently, the food intake I had for this morning didn't match the amount of insulin I took earlier in the morning, resulting in hypoglycemia. And... evidently, the following are "quick fix" foods to eat right away in order to raise your blood glucose:

2 or 3 glucose tablets
1/2 cup (4 ounces) of any fruit juice
1/2 cup (4 ounces) of a regular (not diet) soft drink
1 cup (8 ounces) of milk
5 or 6 pieces of hard candy
1 or 2 teaspoons of sugar or honey

I just don't happen to keep any of these in my desk drawer, and I was feeling too confused and light headed and shaky to try to orchestrate someone to go and get some for me. I guess cookies don't fall in to that list, either. Yet another wrong choice. I do remember, however, my doctor saying something about drinking milk if my sugar gets too low, because it breaks down better than orange juice without crashing later on (or something like that).

I'll get it down eventually, but by then, my 20 pound baby will be born.

Something interesting happened to me yesterday...

2005-09-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

First of all, I must admit that I am a news junky... Fox News, to be exact. I've been glued to the TV every spare moment I have, which isn't much, to get constant updates on what's going on in the south. My heart goes out to the families hit by Katrina, and my prayers are pouring out for y'all. Money, too.

Second of all... in the wake of Katrina, my little town (within the Washington, D.C. Metropolitan area) got hit by some butt kicking storms Tuesday night. Now, normally, that's okay. But you see... I have a little dog. She's my baby... a Maltese that loves your lap, and glues her tiny tongue to your face when she can. She's an awesome dog, but she's scared to death of storms. And, unfortunately, the storms hit us at night... well after I had gone to bed. It was really, really, really late... okay, it was only 9:00 pm when they started, but they lasted until about 2 or 3-ish. Thunder, lightning, rain, wind... Needless to say, I had one scared pup on my hands. Now, my dear, DEAR husband wakes up at 4:15 to go to work every day... so, in order to help him out, I tried to take care of the dog, calm her, soothe her, and pry her off of my freakin head. When she's scared like that, she likes to get up on top of our pillows (around our head), because I guess she thinks the highest spot in the room is the safest spot in the room. Then, she proceeds to put her cute little nose right into your face, open her snout up and pant. And pant. And pant. Pant, pant, pant. Hot, stinky doggie breath panting all over your face. It's so nice... really ... you just don't know what you're missing.

So, I fought with her, dragging her down, cradling her, petting her, dragging her down, soothing her, loving her, dragging her down ... you can see how it went... until I got the brilliant flash of an idea around 2:00 am to give her an entire Benadryl pill. I AM BRILLIANT! She was out like a light within 30 minutes. I finally got to turn my 33-1/2 week exhausted, sleep deprived body over and start to doze off... only to be awakened by my husband SNORING! And, since I felt sorry for him having to wake up in about 1 hour and 15 minutes... I went into the guest room to try to get a wee bit of sleep on our ever so uncomfortably lumpy guest mattress. It wasn't happening. I finally dragged myself back to my room, and my luxuriously extra firm king sized Simmons Beauty Rest with a pillow top bed when my hubby woke up. I slept soundly until 7:30 am (uh, that's only about 3 hours of sleep in the whole night!), dragged my butt out of bed, went to work, only to come home early around 3:30 pm on Wednesday afternoon, exhausted out of my mind.

And that's when it happened...

I was measuring my blood glucose level (don't worry, my husband was driving). The number came up and registered at 80. EIGHTY! My God! I'm low! I turned to my husband, and this is the conversation we had:

me: Honey... I'm at 80 ... honey, did you hear me?
him: yeah, I heard you...
me: Honey, I think I'm going into diabetic shock... pull over, quick. Right there. Yeah, that's the place. Stop. Hurry, stop. I've got to get something to keep me from going into shock and not only putting your dear child into danger, but to keep me from possibly DYING.
him: Huh?
me: YOU HEARD ME... STOP RIGHT HERE. I'll be right back. Wait in the car.
him: But honey, it's just a Dunkin' Donuts shop ... I don't think that's what you need right now...
me: SHHHHHHH! Not another word. I'm on a mission to save myself and our babe.
him: Honey...
me: (as I run inside the store) I'll have two cake donuts with chocolate icing, one apple filled cinnamon donut, and one apple fritter... immediately!
me: (back in the car, with a mouth full of apple fritter) Hmmm... oh, I feel so much better... yeah, it's working... I'm coming back. The baby is happy. Oh, this was a life saver. Honey... YOU SAVED MY LIFE! You're my hero!
me: (moving on to the next set of donuts) Hey, wait a second... what's going on? Are donuts supposed to taste like curry? What's wrong with this donut? Hey... the chocolate ones taste bad, too!
him: Honey ...
me: Shut up, man! I'm having a crisis here! The apple filled one taste like curry, too!
him: HONEY ...
me: WHAT?!?!?
him: it's time for you to wake up and come down for dinner!
me: What?!?
him: you were really out of it... wake up and come down for dinner! I've been calling and calling you!
me: Oooooohhhhh!!!! I've been sleeping? You mean, we really didn't go to Dunkin Donuts?
him: Uhhh, no.
me: I just wasted an entire DREAM on curry flavored donuts! It's just not right!

Evidently, "some" of us were just a bit more tired than we realized on Wednesday afternoon. I drove myself home, my husband got home later in the evening, and somewhere in between, I fell asleep, went to Dunkin Donuts, and didn't even get to enjoy ANYTHING!

Urgh! What a horrible thing to happen to a woman suffering from gestational diabetes!

Things No One Ever Told You...

2005-08-30T12:39:00.000-05:00

... About Being Pregnant

All of you lurkers... it's time to DELURK long enough to answer this question! Let me know what you discovered from being pregnant that no one ever told you about or that you never read about!!!

Example ... yeah, they said I'd have pelvic pain, but they didn't say it would cause my hips to slide out of place, and that it would hurt so much! (and just for the record... a pillow between the legs DOES NOT HELP!)

Not so Internet or Tech savvy

2005-08-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

As you can see... I'm not so internet or technology savvy. I can't figure out for the life of me how to block unwanted comments from totally irrelevant people... I mean really ... what the heck is forex trade signal, and why do I care? And, why, pray tell... would I need to visit a treadmill doctor? I'm 33 weeks pregnant, for the love of God... why do you think I would be even stepping one foot near a treadmill right now? And DEPRESSION TREATMENT? Yeah... I've got some depression treatment for you RIGHT HERE... Good Lord. If anyone knows how I can block these unwanted comments, please let me know!

Thanks!

The Beginnings of "A Plan" ??? Maybe...

2005-08-25T11:27:00.000-05:00

Oh, my goodness... I'm glad I'm sitting down. Or was... when I got the news. Here it goes:

1) In the last two weeks I've lost 6 pounds. SIX! Added to the previous 3 I lost, that makes... let me see ... NINE POUNDS!!! That means, I have a net gain of 2.5 pounds since I got pregnant. Oh, so svelte! So sexy! Yeah, RIGHT. You should see the basketball protruding from my belly!

2) I am still having a big baby, chubby. Round. Ow.

3) I will likely have a scheduled c-section. Cool. I can deal with that. The 'knowing' was important to me.

4) I will go for my scheduled c-section around 38-ish weeks. I'm guessing so that the baby won't be too big? So, I'm now wondering just how big this child might get? Hmmm... Also, does this mean we get to choose the date? Hey, that could actually be fun!

I think this looks like a plan - sort of! If not, humor me. I needed this.

On another note... we had a friend visiting from Kentucky last weekend. He was kind enough to bring his hillbilly cooties with him, and share them with my husband. Who, in turn, shared them with me. THE NERVE!!! I love my husband dearly, but really ... he doesn't have to share EVERYTHING, you know what I mean?

So now, I'm suffering from a yucky head/chest cold. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm pregnant, and feel like whining. I am finding it incredibly difficult to BREATH... and that's just a bit important to me right now. What, with a big belly, stuffy nose, congested chest, and squirming tadpole ... laying down to go to sleep is near impossible. I wake up gasping for air, and feeling like I'm suffocating. Not a fun experience. I'm knocking back Robitussin, Tylenol and Sudafed... don't worry, my OB okayed this. At least I'm no longer feverish. That's a plus, right? Did I mention that the inability to freely breath can cause one to SNORE?! Loudly? (more like snorting) Uh, yeah... woke myself up doing just that, too!

I know what you're thinking... my husband is sooo lucky to have such an incredibly HOT and sexy wife in bed next to him... big belly, gasping for air, snoring and snorting, rolling around on top of pillows while clearing my throat and coughing, all the while, gently (of course) whining and complaining. What can I say. Some men just have all the luck, you know what I mean?

Finally ... a big thank you to the post from daysgoby..... it sounds like wise advice. I'll take a pair of maternity pants that I wore early on in the pregnancy. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (I'm not sure why, but all my posts come up with noreply-comment@blogger.com as the email address, so I can never email anyone to thank them personally --- dunno why -- not that internet smart or savy).

I can't believe I forgot to share this!!!

2005-08-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

I am so forgetful it's not even funny! First of all, I have two excuses. 1) I'm pregnant... 2) I had a nasty head/chest cold over the weekend, and I'm just now getting over it. So, as you can see from my last post, vanity is much closer to my heart than what I'm about to share. For shame, for shame. I am most embarrassed!

Any way, several things to update on... we received our dresser the same day we ordered our crib. We didn't open it until this past weekend, and much to my broken heart's dismay, two of the MAIN pieces were cracked and chipped. So, I placed a call in to the manufacturer, and of course... the parts are on back order, and they are not sure when they will be coming in. Yeah ... I cried my eyes out for a good hour.

Next, the crib we ordered 10 days ago ARRIVED over the weekend!!! WAHOOO!!! The anxiety they caused by telling us it would take 8-12 weeks for delivery... so unnecessary! We'll be putting it together this weekend, but with my luck, something is probably broken or chipped, and the replacement parts will be on back order. Okay, so I'm a pessimist... let's hope for the best.

Finally, and I'm very, very excited about this... we decided to look into closet systems for the baby's closet. Hopefully in the next two weeks, we'll have something in place. Can't wait!

That's all for now.

Yeah, I'm a materialistic kind of gal. I know.

I see the OB tonight, so I'll post next on health issues.

I'm so vain!

2005-08-24T11:03:00.000-05:00

You know, I've been losing weight since I started watching my sugars and carbs and taking insulin. That's all good and well, but it leaves me wondering ... How do you figure out what to take to the hospital to wear home? I'm not looking to be a fashion plate model or anything... well, okay, so I want to look nice for the going home pictures... wouldn't you?

My DH said ... "take some sweat pants or something." Well, even though I'm loosing weight, I'm still not "small" by any stretch of the imagination, and sweat pants... well ... let's just not go there.

I see my OB this afternoon, and I'll find out for sure (from his nazi nurse) just how much more weight I've lost or gained in the past two weeks, but all-in-all, I'd have to say that I have only netted a 5 pound weight gain... so far! Sounds like a nice problem... and trust me, I'm just ecstatic to be loosing safely, and not gaining. After all, there is still plenty of cushion for the babe. No need to worry.

But, because I'm somewhat of a hysterical planner... as in ... I ALWAYS pack my bags a week or two before going on vacation, and ALWAYS include a "menu" of what I'll wear each day, along with a detailed inventory of what I packed... I can honestly admit that I've already started planning my bag that I'm taking to the hospital. No, not clothing... at least not yet, because I'm limited on what I can wear right now, but I've got all my toiletries, etc. waiting in their little cosmetic bag, and I've got a revolving list of things still to get/pack. Call me obsessive/compulsive. Whatever! (just know it's true!)

So, if you were in my shoes, would you pack a pair of pants that were maternity pants, and run the risk that they'll fall off, pack a pair of pre-pregnancy pants and run the risk that while you may weigh about the same, your weight has shifted and may not fit in the pants?? Pack a mumu (NEVER, in a gazillion years, do you hear me?!?)

What do I do?

At least I have another 8-ish weeks to agonize over this...

Any and all advice is welcome at this point.

2005-08-18T10:30:00.000-05:00

Things I can't wait for...

1. Seeing my toes again.
2. Sleeping pretty much through the night without getting up every 45 min to pee.
3. Chocolate Cake and Milk
4. Rolling over in bed with ease
5. No drooling at night
6. Chocolate Cake and Milk
7. Not having to test my blood sugar 4 times a day
8. Not having to count carbs
9. Chocolate Cake and Milk
10. Fitting into regular shoes
11. Holding my newborn child
12. Did I mention Chocolate Cake and Milk?

So, yeah ... I'm scared ... what of it?

2005-08-17T10:13:00.000-05:00

I must confess. I'm a big baby. No pain tolerance whatsoever, and I fear everything that might go wrong.

Having said that, I have to say that I feel almost guilty for wanting a hospital delivery, with my OB, plenty of pain meds, and if possible, I'd like to elect to have a c-section. I know, I know. You don't hear that much. But I'm cooking a big punkin in here, and I'm afraid of delivery. In fact, if it was at all possible, I'd rather be knocked completely out, and woken up after the baby arrives.

So, you're probably thinking... "what kind of mother will she make?" Well, hopefully, the very best I can be. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, I hate pain, and I could never, EVER deliver without something to take the pain away. Or at least the promise of something that will come pretty darn close. In fact, I'm thinking that all the surgeries, procedures, and needle poking-prodding I've had up till now, wont even come CLOSE to the pain I'll experience in labor and delivery. Okay... I've scared myself all over again.

I really admire the women that elect to have a completely natural birth, whether it's at the hospital, or at home, in a pool, or in a bed. I wish I was that strong. Really, I do. And I hate hearing my peppy "the glass is half full" husband say, "honey, hundreds of women give birth every day, and if they can do it, so can you." What does he know? Evidently, he doesn't know my threshold of pain... and folks, it's low. Very low. Actually, he does, but he thinks that playing cheerleader will help. It doesn't.

So I've been walking around basically afraid of sharing my view points on labor and delivery, because I'm afraid of becoming an outcast ... or looked upon as a freak. But in reality, I'm finding so many women thinking the exact same sentiment when they are asked to share their feelings on natural births, doulas, midwives, etc. I am shocked! I shouldn't be, but I am! I thought I was in the minority, but it appears that many more women have the same fear of judgment as I do.

So for what it's worth, I'm jealous that I can't be as strong as my fellow sisters delivering children under water, or just laboring in water and delivering without pain meds, having babies at home, and/or birthing centers, and placing all their faith in midwives.

I, on the other hand, will rely totally on my OB (who did save my life on the operating table after an emergency surgery...so I have total faith in the man). I will ask for anything to mask the pain. And, I will beg for a c-section... Why, you might ask? Well, allow me to share my reasons:

First of all, as I said earlier, I'm going to have a big baby. BIG. And I just shake in horror at the thought of this child's huge head coming out from, well ... "down there." Let alone it's shoulders. Oh, my!

Next, I have a slightly enlarged heart (mild cardiomyopathy), and I again... am afraid of the complications that may come on, or the stress that having a vaginal delivery and pushing may bring on.

Now... moving on to my three bulging discs and degenerative disc disease -- Basically... I'm afraid of getting nerve damage from the epidural, and/or further damage from pushing, and from the general pressure in that area that would come with delivering an almost 10 pound baby.

Then, there's always the already positive group b-strep test I have had way back in my 12th week when I had a bad bladder infection. Ah, yes.. GBS. So, knowing ahead of time that I have tested positive for, and am colonized (meaning I am a carrier) with group B-strep is rather unnerving, in itself... not for me, but for the baby, and the risks that the baby is exposed to.

Of course, I also have Gestational Diabetes, but I don't think this will bother the labor and delivery part much.

Finally, I have Pubic symphysis separation ... it hurts. A lot. Especially when I'm lying down, or trying to walk after sitting for a while ... so while I don't know how this will play into delivery, I can only imagine that it might just hurt ... a little ... who knows. Also, because my pelvis has started to move and loosen, my hips keep sliding out of location. Really nice. Feels just great.

As you can see, I have many things mounting up against me, causing a lot of fear of labor and delivery to build up. Not to mention, things that may stress the baby. Of course, my ultimate goal is to have a healthy baby, sit just brings a certain level of comfort to me that there is an incredible nic unit in my hospital of choice, excellent doctors and nurses, top notch monitors, bells and whistles, and medicine and pain killers that would be readily available, which, of course, are not as readily available in my own home.

As with everything, I am trying to prepare myself and know all the different scenarios I can possibly expect to happen, but I'm not going in thinking that I'll have an easy time of it. No, I just wouldn't be that lucky.

Along these lines... you know what really irritates me? Is that everyone feels they have the "right" (women and men) to give me their two cents about c-sections. As if I didn't know that having a c-section would be painful. As if I didn't know having a c-section would require a longer healing time. As if I didn't know the risks that having a c-sections presents to both me and the baby. As if having or wanting a c-section was the most absolute worst thing ever, placing me right at the top of the bad mother list.

First of all, if you're a man, and you've never had a c-section, or delivered a 10 pound child, then... you can just ZIP it. Second of all, no one, and I mean no-one, could possibly know what's best for me and my child with the exception of ... uh ... oh, yeah ... ME. And my OB. And my husband. So I'm thinking that your unwanted and unsolicited advice is just going to fall of deaf ears ... so again ... you can just ZIP it. I mean, really... c'mon ... do you think I WANT more pain than what is necessary? (read first paragraph again) If I did, I could just beg the hemorrhoid fairy to come and visit me on a regular basis.

Are you sensing my frustrations?

I just LOVE desserts!

2005-08-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love desserts? Have I?

Well, I do. And it would seem that I'm not the only one. In fact, chocolate is my favorite, but ... Ohhhh ... it's such a sore spot, but I have found heaven -- H-E-A-V-E-N, do you hear me?!?

For those of us that have GD, and are craving chocolate... I have found two things that have turned out to be pretty good, are allowable, and somewhat take care of the immediate craving problem...

1) LOW CARB (sugarless) York Peppermint Patties, and MAN ... are they good! Of course, they have carbs, but a whole lot less, and they are so nice to have one (ehh, maybe two) for a snack and experience the whole satisfying chocolate high! (sugarless lifesavers are great, too) There are, of course, other sugarless chocolates, but I haven't gotten around to them yet. I'm pretty satisfied with the Pep patties for now!

2) Sugarfree pudding-moussie thing... Okay... I was sitting around CRAVING chocolate and I just happened to look in my pantry for something that might take the craving away. I happened to stumble across a large box of sugarfree instant chocolate pudding. Now, if you've ever tasted sugarfree instant chocolate pudding, it can be pretty yucky. But... I also had a container of cool whip in the refrigerator. Now... according to the packaging, Cool Whip REGULAR only has 2 grams of carbs for 2 tablespoons (believe it or not, the light and free cool whip have more!). TWO! So, I made the pudding according to package directions, let it set up, added a bunch of cool whip to make it like a mousse (sort of), let it set up again, and man, was it good!

To top things off (yes, life is starting to look better in the GD area), Cool Whip website has a TON of sugarless or low carb desserts that look yummy! And, they have a link for Healthy Living that has another link with recipes just for diabetics, as well as low cal deserts!

So basically, I'm loving Kraft right now! I'm off to make Creamy Layered Squares (with sugarless watermelon jello... if I can find it!) Here's the website for your dessert gratification: http://www.kraftfoods.com/coolwhip/cw_under100.html (also, don't forget to check the Healthy Living button for tons of other recipes, and a link just for diabetics!)

Mr. Hush-Hush

2005-08-12T11:57:00.000-05:00

So, yeah ... my doctor is Mr. Hush-Hush. He wouldn't commit to ANYTHING ... the only thing he would say was... "well, it's a possibility that with your heart condition, the chances of a c-section are greater."

Gee. Thanks. That's not what a type-A planner-personality wants to hear. I need details! Plans! Dates! Promises! Ugh. My blood pressure was up a bit (135/80), but I had lost 3 pounds. Amazing what starvation on a low carb diet will do!

Any way... I am feeling like the nursery is finally coming together. Our eBay dresser arrived yesterday (that was fast)... of course it's still in the box, and won't be touched for a few days, to say the least. But it's going to have to be taken upstairs to the nursery, so at least I can open the box and see what it "looks like" in pieces.

We also selected a crib...FINALLY...and my inlaws purchased it for us. $525!!! I almost choked. It will be here in about 8-12 weeks, possibly sooner. Well, the baby will be here in 10 1/2 weeks, so I'm hoping for sooner. This is the crib we finally selected (in white) http://www.bergfurniture.com/forest.html .

Now... we need to get a digital camera so we can take pictures of everything.

Also, today, my department gave me a surprise shower. It was so nice of them. They gave me some onesies, bibs, a receiving blanket with matching bib, some toys, rattles, and the Baby Einstein Discover and Play Exersaucer that I had registered for. I'm getting excited little by little, cause it's all coming together!

Quick Update

2005-08-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update... My parents left on Sunday, my house is sparkling clean, I bid on a dresser on eBay and won, it's arriving tomorrow, I have a beautiful bassinet, I'm shopping for a crib on Saturday, and I see body parts moving around in my belly!

So basically, life is good, I'm in good spirits, and I see my OB today. I hope we discuss the pari-partum cardiomyopathy, the big baby, and delivery. I need a game plan. What can I say --Type-A personality!

The only other thing is that the low carb diet for the gestational diabetes is K.I.L.L.I.N.G. me. I'm a bit hungrier now... okay, I'm hungry all the time, and I need carbs to fill me up! Also, throughout my entire pregnancy, I have not had any cakes, cookies, chocolate, etc. because up until about 2 months ago, it just made me sick to my stomach to even think about such things. Not the case now! Last night I was craving... CRAVING, I tell you, a huge, gigantic slab of triple fudge chocolate cake with a 30 ounce glass of skim milk on the rocks to wash it down. But noooo... can't have it! Gotta hold off until after the baby arrives. Darn! This is tough!

Also, my girlfriend is planning a baby shower for me here at work. She's awesome. She's putting so much energy and money into this ... I feel guilty, and I've asked her to be conservative, but she says she's not doing more than she can afford or wants to do, so I've got to let her go. She's so much like me! The shower is on Monday, 8/22... I just can't believe this is happening already! My sister and sister-in-law are throwing another shower for me and all my friends and family on 9/17, and then my aunts (my mother's side) are having a smaller "aunt's shower" for me on 9/18. I'm getting a wee bit overwhelmed by everyone's goodness! I am such a lucky girl.

So, anyway... That's all for now. I'll update tomorrow with news from the OB.

All my Woes rolled up in one...

2005-08-04T10:01:00.000-05:00

Just to recap...

In my second trimester -- my doctor told me I tested positive for type-B strep. He said I was colonized. Great. Evidently, you can become colonized from surgical procedures (3 IUI's, 2 IVF's ... all considered surgical procedures).

Then, at the beginning of the week, the Perinatologist said that this baby is going to definitely be 9 pounds, but most likely 9.5 pounds, and possibly closer to 10 pounds. So basically... a toddler.

Last week, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, and began taking insulin injections twice a day. Since then, my insulin dosage has been raised once.

Then, yesterday, I saw my cardiologist. She said that the heart sonogram I had last week showed that I have an enlarged heart, and that it is beating rather sluggishly -- in other words -- cardiomyopathy. She's not sure if it was pregnancy induced (pari-partum cardiomyopathy) or if it was enlarged all along, but the pregnancy brought out the symptoms I've been experiencing (racing and irregular heart beat), which enabled them to diagnose it.

So life is just great ... I'm feeling so swell and on top of the world right now. NOT!!

Let's see if we can sum it all up ... Colonized Type B Strep, Big-Huge-Gigantic child, Gestational Diabetes with insulin, Cardiomyopathy, irregular heart beat, and old age (38)... This should all make for an interesting labor and delivery.

In the mean time, I'm trying really, REALLY hard not to get too down or depressed. Really. I am. But all I want to do right now is leave work early, and crawl into bed and sleep. And sleep, and sleep.

Oh, and I also want to see my feet when I look down, but that's not happening for at least another two months.

It's a Gorilla, Folks!

2005-08-03T10:20:00.000-05:00

I saw my Perinatologist yesterday and had a lovely sonogram. We saw the face, and guess what? It really looked like a babies face! So adorable, rounded cheeks, eyes, mouth, and MY nose (whew!) ... the doctor said she even saw HAIR starting to grow! Amazing. I was all teary eyed. Then ... well, then she dropped the bomb on us. Yes, ladies and gentlemen... I'm going to have a gargantuan child. I was totally SHOCKED!

I'm only 29 weeks pregnant (beginning of 29th week), and the baby is measuring 3 weeks ahead, and weighing in at 3 pounds. The doctor graphed out the babies weight, and it measures at the TOP of the graph. She also said that she knows it will be at least 9 pounds, but closer to 9.5 or 10 pounds. Yikes! My sister had a 9 lb 15 oz child (no epidural, either... natural -- is she insane or what?!?), and her other three kids came in at over 9 lbs, 7.5 lbs (known as "tiny baby"), and again over 9 lbs. I say, it's all her fault, but the doctor said that the size of the baby runs on the mother's side. Greaaat! Just what I wanted to hear.

Here is a web site that has a sample graph http://www.gestation.net/fetal_growth/growscreenshots.htm ... just so you can understand what I'm explaining above.

So for now, I'm just going to begin processing the thought that my child will be as large as a gorilla, and that I'll probably have a c-section for sure ... I just can't imagine pushing out such a big babe!

And to all of you out there that tell me ... EACH TIME YOU SEE ME ... "man! that's going to be a big baby!" Thanks... a lot... You have cursed me. Just remember... what goes around, comes around. He He He!

Holy Cow... I'm starting to FREAK OUT!

2005-08-01T10:01:00.000-05:00

To put it mildly... I'm starting to FREAK OUT! I just started my 29th week ... that leaves only 11 weeks (if all goes accordingly). ELEVEN WEEKS. I do not have a crib yet. I do not have a dresser yet. I do not have a car seat yet. I DO have a bassinet, however, which goes a long way in calming me.

Selecting a crib and dresser combo has been the hardest thing I've had to do in the last -- well -- in the last 29 weeks.

I decided to get a long dresser and also use it as a changing table. That way, the baby can continue using it as it grows up. Yeah... I also put a limit on how much to spend because someone else is getting it for us as a gift. So... $300-ish for a white dresser. That's what I'm willing to spend. Do you know how difficult it is to find one that's the right "white" and the right height for $300 and not $800?????!!!!!????? Why in heaven's name would someone charge $800 for a dresser for a nursery? That's highway robbery!

As for the crib--- this has been a hard thing to decide on. I think I've finally narrowed it down (after having driven my husband nearly insane over this). You see, you have so many choices. White cribs, cherry cribs, oak cribs, pine cribs, mahogany cribs, painted cribs. Cheap cribs, expensive cribs, stationary cribs, convertible cribs, 3-in-1 cribs. Square cribs, sleigh cribs, round cribs. Cribs that fly or cribs that drive. Goodness. Where does one begin?

The crib is also being purchased for us as a gift by someone different. So again... I feel the need to be a bit miserly when it comes to the budget. But then again, I would be even if it was me buying the crib. At first, I was all set on purchasing a 3-in-1 crib so that it can go through the baby's life with him/her. But then, I decided to just get a cheap crib, because we hope to be pregnant again by the time this one is ready for a toddler bed. In which, we'll toss it in a single bed with rails. And since, of course, my life has gone so close to PLAN (NOT!)... any way...

I think I've narrowed down my decisions, though. The crib is cheaper than I thought, and the dresser a bit more than I thought, but it's such a cute set. It's the Bassett Baby Cottage White Collection. Target carries it. It's a cute sleigh style crib with beadboard trim on the ends, with a matching little dresser. The dresser is about 10" smaller than I had hoped for, and also $100 more than I had hoped for, but all in all... I think it will work out just fine. Since I haven't really learned how to do links yet, I'll just provide the address for Bassett Baby (or you can go to Target to check it out). http://www.bassettbaby.com/?act=catalog.product.list&styleid=5&collectionid=5&dealertypeid=3

I'm also going to check the second hand stores around town for a dresser I can paint white. But ... Regardless of whether I get this dresser, or not... I think I'll still get the crib. So cute.

I think. I'll feel better once everything is ordered. And to top things off... it usually takes 12 weeks for delivery. Yay! Another source of stress for me.

I'm not usually a procrastinator like this, but I am awful when it comes to making decisions when I have too many choices. For instance... restaurants... I NEVER want to make the choice as to where we'll eat. There are just too many choices! Also, I hate chaos. I will not... absolutely refuse... to step foot into the local dollar stores. I just can't stand the disorder. I can't even think in those stores! It gives me that "willy" feeling, and I just have to turn around and RUN out of the store. Chaos has no place in this world! It throws me for a loop! I need order. And, I need to know what I'm going for, run into what ever store has it, and run back out. I hate shopping. I know... a woman that hates to shop ... but I do.

Except for when it comes to Target. I love to shop in Target. Not sure why, but that's a whole other story.

Hey... it's my sob story, and I can have exceptions, ya know?!?

So here's to making a decision on a crib and dresser.

But I'm not ordering it yet. Did I mention we're going to Buy Buy Baby this week? I might see something else I like and change my mind. Ugh! What can I say?!

Oh, baby... Nanna's home!!!

2005-07-29T14:38:00.000-05:00

Yup ... my mom is here now, and all is well with the world. Even the oppressive heat and humidity we have been experiencing in the Washington D.C. Metropolitan area is G-O-N-E!

The baby's Nanna came with gifts in tow, meat for the freezer, and a warm and loving hug. Ahhhhh. Everyone needs a mom, ya know what I mean? Today, my mom and dad took me out to lunch... they are so thoughtful like that... and then they went to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner tonight -- since I currently have 2 spring onions, one tomato, some humus, 1 rotten cucumber, and 1 rotten bag of lettuce in my refrigerator. Oh yeah ... and crystal light. None of that would make a very nutritious meal for 4, huh? What can I say... I've been out of town, AND I'm 28 weeks pregnant. Swollen, tired, fat and lazy. That's me!

Any way, she also ran by a department type store to "scope out" the supply on cribs, and we're headed there this evening... after dinner, of course... that she's cooking. Man, I love this woman.

So ... tomorrow it's lunch at an aunt's home in Georgetown (yum... good food) and more shopping. What a nice weekend!

As for my GD, I started on insulin last night. I spoke personally with my perinatologist... love him, he's so nice... and he walked me through it all. I have been so fortunate to have good doctor's on my side. Yes, the nutritionist freak scared me a bit, but I'm starting to warm to the idea of a c-section. Really, I am. And what I mean by this is... if it comes down to a c-section, I will be fine with that, but I won't insist on it. I see my perinatologist on the 2nd, and he's going to be measuring the baby growth at that time. I'll be sure to pepper him with a ton of questions. Also, I am now officially seeing my OB every 2 weeks. I LOVE my doctors, they are both great... and let me just say, it's a good thing I'm a happily married woman! Know what I mean?

Did you see the great links Liz provided me with? How awesome is she? AND... she's carried her twins to ALMOST TERM! You go, girl! Amazing, simply amazing. I'm going to be praying hard for her that she has an easy labor and delivery. She deserves it after taking such good care of her twins! It should be any time now!

If anyone wants to share their c-section stories, feel free to do so... Thanks!!!

Why, oh Why?!?

2005-07-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

Do you ever wonder why things work the way they do? Why one person can try so hard ... so very hard ... to get pregnant, and go through pain and discomfort to get pregnant (yeah!) only to be slapped in the face while pregnant with something like gestational diabetes?

Oh, it just isn't fair. I had resolved NOT to complain during my pregnancy, but be thankful that I'm pregnant and having this long awaited for child. But alas... it seems like all I've done is complain.

I got a call from my doctor on Monday, while I was out of town, to tell me that I have GD. I received in the mail supplies to check my blood sugar while I was away, and began my first full blown testing yesterday. I saw my doctor yesterday, and he was quite alarmed at how high my numbers were. He wanted me to start insulin yesterday. Well, one thing led to another, and I wasn't able to get a visit to my home from a traveling nurse to teach me how to draw the insulin, so I'm going over it on the phone this afternoon with my nurse. Lovely. Can't wait to start giving myself daily injections.... 4 times a day... again ... I thought that all was done with after I completed my round of progesterone (sp?) in oil injections. But no. It's not done with yet.

At least I can understand why I wake up every 45 minutes (yeah ... literally) to go to the bathroom every single night. My body is trying to get rid of all the extra sugar it's carrying. So, maybe I can look forward to only having to get up every 2 hours instead. Man---I don't know how I'll handle all that extra sleep! I'll be spoiled!

And to top it all off, the nutritionist called me last night about my diet, and asked me if my doctor had discussed my c-section with me yet. You know what my reaction to that question was? "I'm sorry, my WHAT? C-Section? No... no one has even MENTIONED a C-Section." To which she replied... "Well, they like to deliver big babies by C-Section, so prepare yourself." Great. I'm going to deliver a giant.

So, as I mentioned earlier, we were out of town for the last 5 days. We went to stay with my sister in her beach house on Topsail Island, NC. It was so nice. The weather stunk because it was so freakin' hot and humid, but it was so nice to spend precious time with my sister and her 4 kids. They are just lovely children... so well behaved and loving and cuddly. I could just kiss them all day long. I miss them already. And... my sister sent me home with a baby bassinet ... very cute! I set it up yesterday in my bedroom, and I love it.

Did I mention the fact that my 7 year old niece has Juvenile Diabetes? She is so brave and strong. She is inspiring. She carries on daily and never complains. She's a champ. Okay ... I guess if this little wisp of a child can deal with diabetes that is totally worse than what I have (she's completely insulin dependant), than I guess this big ol' wimp can too.

So, my parents arrive today (they are coming in from Winston-Salem, NC) to spend close to two weeks with us. I can't wait. My mom hasn't seen me since May, and boy, has my belly popped! She'll love to see that. And, you can actually feel as well as see the baby moving around!

I never really realized how much I love my parents until I became pregnant. I'm told by other women that they felt that too. It really makes me appreciate them so much, but saddens me that they live so far away.

My mother will bring me a bit of sanity and peace. She'll calm me down. She'll help me get ready. She'll speak her words of wisdom. She'll hug me and dote on me. She'll be my mom.

Hot, Humid, and Disgusting

2005-07-19T13:10:00.000-05:00

This weekend was hot, hot, HOT! I'm not exactly sure what the actual temperature was, but if I had to guess, I'd say about 500 degrees. Actually, it really felt like the heat index was up in the 100's. Hot, humid and sticky. It was so humid, that it hung over the mountains so thick that you could barely see them. Okay... foot hills in comparison to other parts of the country, but still ... YUCK.

We had a pig roast to got to this past weekend, and while I was actually looking forward to it, my husband kept saying, "Honey, are you sure you want to go? Have you actually gone outside yet? I'm not sure you'll be able to stand the heat!" He was right. We scrapped the Pig Roast and went to a movie instead.

We got tickets to see Cinderella Man, but we were 1 hour and 25 minutes early, so we went to Hamburger Hamlet and got an appetizer and drinks. Well, not really drinks as in DRINKS, but a coke and water. Although, "drinks" would have been quite welcome at that point! The movie turned out to be really, REALLY good. The time just seemed to fly by. And after the movie, of course, we went out for dinner. I was starved by that point, and we went to Carrabas, but we ordered an appetizer (Calamari, of course!), a side salad, and a bowl of soup. That was plenty, too. I was stuffed!

I love going out to eat. Why? Well, because I don't have to do anything, of course! No meal planning, no shopping, no cooking, and best of all... no clean up! We ate out for lunch on Sunday, and I felt guilty so when we got home, I turned around and went to the grocery store for some food. Did I mention how hot it was this weekend? Well, it was. And I will N.E.V.E.R. go shopping by myself again. I'm well passed the "I can do it alone" stage in my pregnancy. Ugh. It's hard to give up control. But let me tell you, I about passed out by the time I got home, unloaded the groceries, and crawled to bed for a nap. Who really cared about cooking dinner at this point? See why going out is so nice? Yeah.

I Just Can't Take It Anymore!

2005-07-14T13:32:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm deep into 26 weeks of pregnancy, and let me just say, I'm in a world of hurt, people!

It hurts way down deep inside... a bone crunching pain ... as in, my pelvis bone. I think it's separated. I've had several women tell me about "their experiences" with that, and yup... that's what it sounds like. And... to add insult to injury... my feet are swollen. Especially my right one. Just like a blow fish. And it hurts around the ankle. And... my wonderful, loving, and most devoted husband snores. Loudly. Every night. Every STINKING night. In every position he lays in. Snore, snore, snore. And because of the pelvic pain... it's impossible for me to get comfortable, relaxed, and sufficiently pain free so that I can drift of and sleep. But once I do find a comfy position .... I hear a loud, constant SNORE coming from my left.

He is such a good husband, though, and always offers to go to another room to sleep. After all, we have four bedrooms, two queen sized beds, and our own king size bed... and soon ... a crib. So, it's not like he's sleeping on the hard floor, but I feel so bad to kick him out of our bed. I hate that. Plus, he wakes up at 4:15 every morning, and I hate to put him out. He needs his rest.

But then again, I wonder if he'd get more sleep if I wasn't constantly shoving him and shaking him every 15 minutes, or screaming out loud every hour or so, "OOOOH, for the LOVE of everything that is GOOD, would you PLEASE STOP SNORING." (As if he can help it) Plus, it startles him out of his peaceful deep and sound sleep. (yeah, I'm feeling really guilty right now.)

Yesterday, this very same good and wonderful husband rode out of his way to pick up a prescription for me for Tylenol with Codeine, and he went and filled it for me. So, at least, it took the "edge" off of the pain, and I was able to cope a bit better. BUT... the snoring is killing me. I'm so tired by the afternoons at work because between all that I've mentioned above, PLUS the lovely fact that I have to get up every hour and a half to two hours to PEE, I'm not getting any sleep. None. Okay, maybe two hours between 4:30 and 6:30 (after he's gotten up and left for work). A good nap, one would call it. But I need a whole night. ALL night.

Okay ... I've made up my mind ... Tonight, he sleeps in another room. I love him dearly, but I just can't take it any more. And, I'll still feel guilty.

Ramble Fest

2005-07-05T13:58:00.000-05:00

I'm 25 weeks pregnant ... correction ... I'm going on 26 weeks of pregnancy...

I have so many emotions right now, I don't know how to put them all down, so it's just going to be a ramble fest for now...

I'm hurting! Oh, I'm uncomfortable, and it's only going to get worse! My belly, my abdomen, my hip, my feet ... they all hurt like crazy, and for various reasons. My belly and abdomen I think are hurting because my ligaments are stretching, but when the baby kicks... ooooooo ... it hurts! My hip hurts because it keeps popping out of location (thanks to those loosey-goosey ligaments). It's a raw, boney pain that I can't find any relief from. Especially at night. Tylenol just doesn't cut it. My feet hurt because they are just a wee bit swollen... ON THE BOTTOM! Not much, but enough to cause discomfort. But, the bottom line is... I really don't feel like I have a place to complain. Wednesday evening, my pastor said something that was very profound, and hit me like a ton of bricks... I just can't remember exactly how he put it, but basically, he said that "things don't always seem to be what they are, and that's okay." In other words, even though I should be ever so thankful that I'm pregnant with a healthy child, and of course, I am... I still have a right to feel the discomfort of being pregnant. And trust me when I say... I'm feeling the discomfort. But again, I am ever so thankful to be pregnant, going on 26 weeks, with a healthy and moving child. Enough complaining.

Now --- at 25-ish weeks, there are still some things that I just can't really face. It's sort of like I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and screaming at the top of my lungs ... "la,la,la,la,la" ... For instance -- The nursery isn't "the nursery" it's the little room. Or, the yellow room. We still haven't ordered a crib, purchased a dresser, or retrieved the glider my sister is going to loan me. In fact, my DH is supposed to build bookshelves for our little one, but he hasn't quite started them yet. It's sort of like we're going to jinx everything we've worked so hard for if we start to really put the nursery together. AND WE ONLY HAVE 15 WEEK LEFT! So right now, we only have a room that's painted yellow, with absolutely beautiful murals painted on the walls by my mom, and two tiny crib sheets still in the package, lying in one corner of the vast and empty room. It's so empty, it echoes. And no light, either. No need for it right now! We keep the door closed, but secretly, I like to step in every now and then and just look around and imagine what it will look like when it's done. (I used to sit on the floor, but I can't get up by myself any more.) Then, I step out very, very quickly.

Then ... I actually "forget" I'm pregnant. Except for the fact that my clothes are very limited to maternity clothes, and that the baby kicks every now and then, I rarely remember I'm pregnant. If I dwell too long on the fact that I am pregnant, I get very distracted.

Every now and then, I loose my mind and get a bit giddy about the prospect of being a mom... like when my DH and I registered at Toys R Us an Buy Buy Baby for "the shower" (how overwhelming was that!), or when the baby is particularly active and it suddenly dawns on me that it's not just gas, or when my sister-in-law begs me to get a list of names to her for "the shower." Those are the times when I think to my self "this is really happening... right?" (notice the bit of doubt creeping in). Then, the rest of the time, I can be pretty forgetful of the whole pregnancy thing... sort of like "out of sight, out of mind." It's not forgetfulness because I'm an idiot, but rather, "selective forgetfulness" so that I'm not constantly obsessing about whether the baby is alive, or healthy, or if it will continue growing until 40 weeks, etc.

Have I ever mentioned how TICKLISH I am? In fact, sometimes when the baby is moving around, it actually tickles me and I laugh out loud!

Also, did I mention I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test? My levels were 206. No where near the limit of 140. So now, it's on to my 3 hour test. I'll be taking it on July 21... the day we leave to go on a short vacation with my sister and her family ... 2 parents, 1 aunt (me), 1 uncle (DH), 4 kids, & 1 nanny = a very, very full beach house. But we should have fun.

So any way... I'm done rambling for now. Nothing ties together, and nothing probably makes sense to the normal pregnant woman. But then again, I'm not the normal pregnant woman, am I?

Have a lovely weekend.

Eventful Weekend, etc.

2005-06-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

Forgive me for not posting, but this has been, to say the least, an eventful weekend and start of week ... Busy... tiring. Exhausting, really. I'm seeing that I'm going to fall into the "once a week" poster grouping...

Fathers day was this weekend, and let me just say... I haven't learned when to STOP. I wore myself out this weekend coordinating a Men's Luncheon for our church. I started running Friday afternoon when I went to Wal Mart, Costco, Giant, Party City, to the church to drop food off, decorate, and crawled home for dinner, and to do some prep work for the luncheon on Sat. I went to bed DEAD ON MY FEET at 10:00. Actually, my feet were throbbing, they were swollen on the top AND bottom.

Saturday, I woke up and began cooking rice at 8:00 in the morning. Squeezed in a quick shower, asked my DH to load up the Expedition, and left at 10:00 to go to the church. Then, I was on my feet pretty much all day long until about 3:00, when I left the church to go home, and almost fell asleep while driving. Really! I mean it!

I had a lot of help... wonderful, wonderful ladies. 6 of them. And even with their help, I was still dead on my feet that afternoon.

I took what seemed to be a 1 hour hot bath, almost falling asleep in the tub, rolled my self onto my knees, hauled myself out of the tub, put my jammies on, fell into my cool, comfy bed, and slept for two hours. And trust me when I say... I didn't move to far from my bed after my nap. I was pretty much there for the night.

So needless to say, it's taking a looooong time to recuperate from this weekend.

I had a sonogram with the perinatologist again on Monday. They found that one of the babies kidneys is a bit dilated, which if it doesn't correct itself, could lead to urinary reflux. It's easily fixed with a simple surgery before the child turns one. My neighbor's baby has it, and a coworker's grand daughter had it. It seems mild enough, but still! You hate to think that your little precious baby that you've worked so hard to get might be born with this problem and have to face SURGERY. So I have to go back in 6 weeks for monitoring and to see if it's getting worse, or if it has corrected itself.

So my reaction to all this (after my initial reaction of freaking out, that is)... is to not worry until I really have something to worry about. Everything is still forming and growing, so I'll try to put worry aside and relax.

Tuesday, I went to a cardiologist because my heart kept doing strange flip flops and racing. I'm sure it's nothing more than the mere fact that my heart is currently pumping a TON of blood and fluid around to the baby... but nevertheless.... my OB wanted to be safe, rather than sorry. So after I waited an hour and 45 minutes (no, I'm not exaggerating), the doctor finally came in for a 10 minute consult and hooked me up to some monitor thingy that I had to wear for 24 hours. Nice..... Real nice! I couldn't sleep at all Tues night, and was dead on my feet by Wednesday. Plus, to add insult to injury, I had a reaction to the suction cup thingies they put all over your chest. Yes... I'm allergic to some types of adhesive. Hmmm... I'm such a lucky girl that they use the same one I'm allergic to.

Needless to say, I fell into bed at 7:30 Wed night. Missed church, felt guilty, but woke Thurs morning feeling 100% better. Now, I'm just the normal "pregnant woman tired."

Wonder what else the week will hold for me? What ever it is... I guarantee that I'll be RESTING this weekend!

P.S. ... I'll be 24 weeks pregnant on Monday, 6/27/05!!!

Long Time No Post, Eh?

2005-06-15T15:22:00.000-05:00

Okay... so it's been a while since I've posted, but hey... we're in the throws of a busy cycle at work, and it's going to be hit or miss through July.

I'm more than a little distracted at work now, because it seems that the precious child in me might be using this time to practice it's field hockey moves... or quite possibly ballet or softball. I'm undecided at the time as to which sport or hobby it's taken up, but it sure likes to practice!

Quick Updates:

My DH was injured a week ago while playing softball. He's been limping around, and in quite a bit of pain. I think he's done for the season ... I'm really broken up about it ... really ... I know he's fighting it to death, but I keep reminding him that he's almost 40, and he needs to take care of himself, because he has a family to think about now. I know it's a hard concept for him to grasp, after only being a "couple" for over 15 years now, but I'm pretty certain that our child is going to want a dad with all his body parts intact.

As for me... I'm doing okay... This past weekend, I woke up and my heart was absolutely RACING. I was a bit alarmed, to say the least. Waking up from a dead sleep to "that" is not pleasant. It has happened a few more times, and one day, I even felt fluttery ... like a butterfly had replaced my heart. I called my RE and he wants me to see a cardiologist "just in case" it's anything other than my heart working overtime to pump thousands of gallons of blood to this child of mine! But other than that... my energy level is great during the day (up until about 8:00, and then I'm in crash and burn mode), and so far, at 22 weeks, I think I've only gained about 10 pounds total.

One thing I'm struggling over, though, is gestational diabetes. Since I have PCOS, I'm a higher-risk candidate for it, and therefore, my doctor is going to test me at 24 weeks... a wee bit early. So now, I'm freaking out about what I eat, drink, and the amount of carbs and sugars each morsel contains. I have vacillated back and forth on the whole sugar vs. NutraSweet issue, not really knowing too much about how healthy NutraSweet (Aspartame), Equal, or even Splenda really is... but suddenly, as the "big test" looms closer, I'm finding Aspartame to be a very attractive alternative to sugar. In fact... while I've avoided it my entire pregnancy, Crystal Light lemonade is now a part of my daily diet.

Does this mean that my child will be born with three eyes, nine fingers, and 12 toes? I hope not. If anyone has any thoughts on Aspartame, etc. during pregnancy, I'd really appreciate a shout out from you so I can make an informed decision about whether I should eat it or not.

So in a nutshell, that's all folks! I've got to get back to work, or I'll be here another hour.

Peace out.

Updates, updates, updates!

2005-06-03T15:51:00.000-05:00

May 27 was our 20 week sonogram. Technically, I was 19 weeks. Any way, our doctor sent us to a parinatologist (sp???) because they look for special markers that may indicate genetic disorders, etc (we opted not to have any testing done). When we finally got in (after our 1 hour and 25 minute wait), the sonogram tech started to do her thing, and then suddenly, set the sonogram wand thingie down and said, "I'll be right back. I need to speak to the doctor." And with that, she ran out of the room.

Okay... breath deeply. Relax. CALM THE FRICK DOWN. After 8 minutes painfully went by, and after my husband made me release my clutching grip on his hand, the tech came back. She calmly sat down and said, "You're too early. We need to see you at 23 weeks, and I wasn't sure that your insurance would pay for two sonograms if I proceeded with this one."

Um ... HELLO!!! Obviously, I'm seeing a specialist for a reason ... and tearing out of the room while leaving your patients bewildered and wondering what is wrong with their baby really isn't the best way to handle a billing issue. And to come back and offer no apology, but just get back to business... well, let's just be nice and say that it wasn't handled well.

Good grief, talk about momentary heart failure.

As it all turns out, everything looks great, baby is great, heart beat is 140 BPM, and the baby looks like it has MY nose (lucky thing!). So we go back on the 20th for another look.

My doctor's appointment was uneventful. I'm measuring at 22" (I'm currently 20 wks), and I have to go back on the 29th for my first diabetes test. Yes, it's going to be done early, but my doctor said he would feel better monitoring it early on (PCOS issues). He also had me listen to the baby's heart beat. I'll try to recreate what I heard...

whosh, whosh, whosh, whosh, whosh, [silence-silence-silence] whosh, whosh, whosh, whosh, whosh

I looked up at my doctor and said... "okay, why was there silence there? did the heart stop beating?" and he said, "yup... the baby has so much room to move around that sometimes it gets a king in it's umbilical cord and it causes the heart to stop beating for a few seconds... only 3 or 4... but it's nothing to worry about. It happens all the time.)

HAPPENS ALL THE TIME? Child, don't ever do that to me again! And if you do... don't let me know about it! It was the worst thing I've heard yet!!!

But all in all we have really been blessed --- everything is going well. I'm still constantly worried about the baby, but at each checkup, the baby seems to be getting bigger. And trust me, so am I. Even though I've only gained 8-1/2 pounds, I feel like the child is resting right on top of my lungs! I'm huge and constantly short of breath, and I can't really enjoy an entire meal any more because everything is pushing up on my stomach, but I'm so happy that all is well.

A final word about WORRY... and other stuff

2005-05-26T12:26:00.000-05:00

Okay ... after fretting with my last post, and being frightened about what may or may not be... and after sharing it with my parents, who are visiting from NC, here's what my mom reminded me ... Matt. 6:34 -- "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I'm just going to have to force my type-A personality to not stress over things that aren't occurring today.

'Nuff said 'bout that!

On to other things.... the murals in the nursery are done, and look just beautiful! I keep walking in there and just staring at the walls. I just can't believe that we're really having a baby! After waiting and trying for all these years, I don't even know how to act!

In fact, I was at Walmart today, and I walked down the baby section, and just stared, and stared at all the baby stuff, touching all the soft stuff, and staring at all the cool colors!

We've decided to go with a Granny Smith green and white polka dot crib skirt, green and white gingham and polka dot and metelase fabrics on the bumper, and black and white infant toile with black and white gingham, and lime green tassel trim for the window treatments.

I'm very excited.

Tomorrow is our 20 week sonogram. Can't wait!

Change Is-A-Comin'!

2005-05-25T08:50:00.000-05:00

Okay ... nooooow I'm scared.

I'm scared of the change we'll have once the baby is born. There... I said it.

I haven't really shared this with anyone yet, but while I'm so thankful and appreciative that I'm finally carrying a successful pregnancy, I'm scared to death of how it's going to C.H.A.N.G.E. my/our life!

I'll be 38 when the baby is born, and I'm so stuck in my ways, used to sleeping in, and actually sleeping through the night (when DH isn't snoring with every breath that escapes his nose!)... I'm even well accustomed to un-interrupted 5 minute showers, and private bathroom breaks!

I guess I've been living a fantasy life thinking that once the baby comes, it will all be roses and smiles, giggles and gurgles. Oh yeah, and getting a full 8 hours sleep at night.

After reading several other people's blogs that are new moms, and hearing all the stuff they battle with... waking up every 2-3 hrs for feedings, reflux, endless crying, no free time to take a long shower (or even dry your hair) ... how in the world does one prepare for this?

Yeah ... so now... I'm scared. Great!

Seafood while pregnant... Not a good thing!

2005-05-24T10:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm sure most pregnant women already know this, and it would have been nice had someone shared this tidbit with me, but ... I have found (through hard life lessons) that it is best to stay away from seafood while pregnant. Why, you may ask??? Well, last night, after consuming 1/2 pound of Snow Crab legs, and 1/2 pound of steamed, spiced shrimp, I proceeded to stay awake all night going back and forth from dying of THIRST, and running to the bathroom to get rid of all the water I was consuming. Now I'm exhausted, and most likely, dehydrated, and have to sit at my desk at work looking like I'm hard at work when really, I'm hardly working.

Needless to say, I will be avoiding snow crab legs in the very near future.

Butt Paste

2005-05-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

Okay... so I haven't posted in a while... but it's been busy at my house, and I work full time, and I've been entertaining out of town guests, and ... well ... let's just face it ... I don't have a good enough excuse. I've just been plain lazy. All those other things are true, but I could have found a moment to post. After all ... I have certainly found a moment to read all my favorite blog spots!

So, here's what I read in one of my blog spots, and I just have to know... does this really work?

"... about Mylanta for diaper rash: We used a similar, but more involved, concoction our pediatrician called "Butt Paste" (can't wait to see the Google hits you get for that). It's equal parts Maalox, A&D ointment, Cortaid and Lotrimin AF. The combination works as follows: Maalox to neutralize acid, Lotrimin AF to beat that nasty "yeasty" rash; Cortaid to heal broken skin; A&D to create a barrier to moisture (which aggravates the skin and promotes yeasty rash)."

How am I ever going to remember that recipe??? Any way, I just thought it was interesting. the very name... Butt Paste ... well, that was all I needed to see. If it has such an interesting name, than certainly it must be good stuff, right?

Since May 12, I've had house guests. My dear friend from California came and stayed with us for 6 days. Then two days later (yesterday), my parents came in from North Carolina for a 10 day visit. So, I've practically killed myself cleaning, washing linens, and pretty much nagging my husband to do this, or do that. Man! I'm pooped!!!

I had a great time with my friend, but I'm glad my mom and dad are here. My mom helps out with everything. Actually, she won't let me do anything. In fact, she won't even let me stand in the kitchen while she's cooking. I love my mom!!! She remembers what it was like to be 18 weeks pregnant, and have swollen feet.

Any way, we are starting to work on the Nursery this week. My DH started painting the room a light buttery yellow, and then my mom, who is an artist, is going to paint murals in the room. Very light and whimsical. I just can't wait. I don't have a digital camera yet, but when I get one, I'll be sure to post pictures!!!

Mother's Day

2005-05-09T09:54:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was mother's day, and with it came a swirl of emotions. I woke up feeling weepy and sorry for my self. After my shower, I tried to put on the dress I had laid out for church, only to find that it didn't fit any more. SOB! My husband was at the store getting "stuff" (a corsage for his mom, and a widowed friend of ours at church). By the time he got back home, I was a ball of tears, crying out... "I'm a cow... I don't look good in anything. I'm huge. Pregnant women are supposed to be cute, but I'm a cow!" He looked a bit scared, but he handled it like a champ.

So, I waited patiently for him to give me "my" corsage, or a card, or SOMETHING. But he didn't. So in the car, on the way to the gas station, I started to cry again. He reached for my hand and asked what was wrong. Crying even harder, I said "I'm a cow, and this is the first year you didn't buy me a corsage" (each year he buys me a corsage for mother's day because I've had 4 miscarriages, and he says that even though they aren't here for us to love, I'm still the mother of his children... sigh...he's wonderful). He looked at me and frantically said, "but I DID get you a corsage, I even got you a card!" I just sobbed a bit more, and said, "oh. okay."

So that's how mother's day morning started off.

He gave me a pretty corsage once we got to church, gave me a big hug, and a huge kiss, and wished me a happy mother's day, then went in to deliver the other corsages. Yeah, I felt silly, but I still felt like a cow.

Several people (except my MIL and FIL) wished me a happy mother's day, hugged me, cried over me, and just made me feel so special.

My DH took me through fast food for lunch, because we were planning on going out to dinner in the evening with his family (see next paragraph), but once we got home, I was able to lounge and do nothing, and take a nice long nap. Ahhh... it was lovely. And, my gift from my husband was a ton of flowers for my garden, and the promise to plant them for me, since I can't do much of anything now.

Unfortunately, Mother's Day this year also shared the same date as my Mother in-law and Father in-law's 40th wedding anniversary. We went out for dinner later in the evening, nothing more was said about mother's day... meaning that they never wished me a happy mother's day, or gave me a card, or anything (I know, I know... I'm being selfish, but they just lavished their own daughter while she was pregnant during mother's day, and after 15 years ... well, I just feel like I deserve it). The whole meal concentrated on their anniversary gift (a romantic weekend away, a buggy ride, and tickets to a show -- we are good children, after all), and on them, them, them. I guess after 40 years, they deserve it!

The day before, however, we had a lovely mother's day luncheon at our church, and the men, my DH included, waited on us hand and foot. It was so nice.

All in all... this has been the best Mother's Day in 15 sad long years!

P.S. --- I really have SUCH a wonderful husband. I love him to death!

THREE MOMENTS OF FREAK OUTS!

2005-05-05T09:46:00.000-05:00

So much has happened this past week. Where do I even begin???
(WARNING: This will be a L--O--N--G post)

On Saturday, I got the brilliant idea to begin a long overdue spring cleaning of my house. Okay, it was really just a long overdue cleaning... but hey! I've been pretty wiped out the first three months of this pregnancy, and it was all I could do to come home from work and fall out on the couch. Who cared about cleaning!!!

Well, now I have a bit more energy... and some motivation. I have my dear friend from CA coming to visit on the 12th, and then my parents are arriving on the 19th. So, with that in mind... I started to pull everything out of all the closest and tried to organize stuff. I'm feeling a bit panicked that I MUST be organized before the babe is born, because I have a feeling I just won't have time after he or she arrives!

Any way... I hauled a bunch of stuff out into the hall for my DH to take down to the basement for storage (yeah... it's still sitting right where I left it). I must have done about 10 loads of laundry, because I stripped and washed all the linens from ALL the beds in the house (that would be 3 queen size beds). Sheets, blankets, comforters, etc. I gathered two lawn & leaf trash bags full of crap to be thrown out. I folded laundry that I had done several days ago. I re-organized my husband's armoire (not that he noticed, or even cares!). I went through all my DH's clothes and pulled all the things that are too small for him, and started a pile on the love seat in my bedroom. Right next to the 5-foot pile of my own pre-maternity clothes. I made 4 trips to the basement to put some of my winter clothes into proper storage. I scrubbed one of my three disgusting bathrooms. I made a mental list of all the things I was going to do on Sunday evening.

Then... I looked at my watch and realized it was 4:00, and I had to shower and dress for a First Communion Party for our neighbors twin boys. Of course, the party started at 4:00! So I started to scramble to get ready and realized my back was really hurting! I thought a nice warm shower might loosen things up. It didn't. Anyway... when I started to blow dry my hair, I happened to look down on my counter (in my master bath... the disgusting one I DIDN'T clean), and I saw a bottle of Naprosyn. I turned the hair dryer off and stared at the bottle in horror. First of all, my allergies are really bothering me right now. Second of all, Friday evening, I couldn't breath so I went into the bathroom (around 2 a.m.) to get two Benadryl. I decided NOT to turn the light on, because I didn't want to disturb my DH, so I reached into the medicine cabinet (where I KNEW the Benadryl was), pulled out the bottle, and took two. Now, it starts to dawn on me with horror that it wasn't Benadryl that I took... it was 2 Naprosyn (my DH had taken some the day before and had put that bottle back in the wrong place). That was FREAK OUT number one.

So I finished getting ready, and grabbed the boy's cards and gift cards, and ran out to go to the party. Without DH. He was at a meeting and coming later.

And then... FREAK OUT number two happened. I fell. I rolled my ankle on the uneven cement on my driveway because I was too busy looking for on coming cars before I crossed the street to my neighbor's house. Thankfully, I fell on my left knee, and then on the right, and then onto my hands. My neighbor's 10 year old daughter saw me (she was on her way across the street too), and came to my rescue. I just wanted her to disappear and forget she ever saw me fall. But nooooo... she had to be helpful! (She's a great kid) ...

So I picked myself up, tried hard not to cry, and bravely walked across the street and into a full swing party. Everyone (but me, of course) had a cold beer, or a nice glass of wine. I had a coke. That's real soothing! At this point, my knee is throbbing, my hands are burning, by back feels broken, and I just want to go home. But I'm too polite. I tough it out. For three hours. That's when my husband showed up. And all he wanted to do was eat. EAT! For the love of God! I just fell!!! Hello! Pay attention to ME! --- NOPE --- shrimp cocktail had a stronger pull on him. However ... I must say that after his third plate of food, he was very attentive to me. We ended up leaving around 9:00 p.m., when they pulled the whisky and tequila out, and the party was just starting to get into full swing.

I was pooped, I tell you! Pooped, cramping, and my back hurt. But it doesn't end there. We went to church on Sunday, and then DH rushed me to Toys R Us and the grocery store because I had a baby shower to go to at 2:30. We got home around 2:00, and I rushed to prepare the food I was taking. Then, I ran upstairs to bag the gift, and freshen up. This is when FREAK OUT number THREE occurred. I went to the bathroom, wiped, and was spotting and passed a clot. I just stared at the paper and thought... Lord... is this a piece of my child I'm looking at? And FREAK OUT is exactly what I did. I ran downstairs in my underwear (we have open walls of windows everywhere) and called the on-call doctor. She told me to get into bed and rest and drink a lot of cold water, and call her Monday morning for a re-eval. And I did just that. I made my DH wait on me hand and foot, and I shuddered each time I went to the bathroom. I didn't want to wipe! And after all that running around, I didn't get to go to the shower. But my nice neighbor sent home some cake and cheesecake with my husband. I love my neighborhood!

The next day, Monday, I saw my doctor (I just love him to pieces), and he assured me that the baby was fine... well padded and cushioned, in fact! We heard the heart beat, he saw blood and mucus around my cervix, he looked at the fine specimen I took in to him (Sunday's clot), and sent me off on my own way with a stern warning not to do anything strenuous (because after all, I'm OLD and pregnant... not just pregnant), and to get my 20 week sono through a Parinatologist instead of in their own offices. He said I only passed some puddled blood from my over-exertion on Saturday.

After being lectured by my DH, mom, MIL, and dear friends, I settled back into bed for the remainder of the day, and took it easy.

Today, all is well again. No cramping, no back ache, and only a few scratches on my left knee. Life is good again. And.... I'm back at work, and my boss is actually asking me to do something for him right now.

Doesn't he know I'm trying to update my blog, for crying out loud?!?

MTHFR Factor

2005-04-27T12:06:00.000-05:00

I am just amazed at how many women are having difficulties carrying pregnancies past the 5th and 6th weeks... and at how many doctors are NOT testing their patients for the MTHFR Factor.

As you've read in past issues, I was diagnosed with MTHFR Factor. The following is an excerpt (with a few changes) of an email I just sent out to a fellow infertile who was just diagnosed with MTHFR... Not to mention that much of this is verbatim from a previous blog entry of mine...

I just can't talk about it enough times to get the message out....

MTHFR is a genetic mutation. I have the homozygous scenario --Two of my genes (1 A and 1 C) are mutated, or broken, or whatever.

Here's how my doctor explained this to me... People with MTHFR factor don't produce folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12. So, wohoo ... one might think, big deal! But on the contrary, it IS a big deal! Women with MTHFR factor have spontaneous miscarriages between 5th and 6th weeks (uh, that would be me--4 of them), and a lack of B6 and B12 directly affects rapidly reproducing cells... and that would be what an embryo does. In fact, a lack of B6 and B12 causes rapidly reproducing cells to STOP reproducing. So, my doctor put me on a massive cocktail of Baby Aspirin, Folic Acid, Vitamin B6 and B12... and I do mean MASSIVE ... and -- WOW... what a difference! I got an instant jolt of energy, and come to find out, that's how I should have been feeling if I didn't have this MTHFR factor!

I take 2 milligrams of Folic Acid, 100 mg of B6, and 250 micrograms of B12. I also took (notice I say "took") a baby aspirin daily until I had a positive pregnancy test in February. Then, I only stopped the aspirin, but continued everything else. Surprisingly, my prenatal vitamin only had 1 milligram of Folic Acid, 3 milligrams of B6, and 8 micrograms of B12. That's nothing in comparison with what I take now!!! By the way... I take regular old over the counter vitamins. I could get a prescription for the Folic acid, but why bother. It's cheap enough.

I started this cocktail back in November. I had my next IVF transfer in January, and am now, for the first time in my life, carrying a healthy and happy baby. I'm 15 weeks pregnant. After 15 years (that's not a typo!) of non-stop trying to get pregnant with a ton of different doctors, I'm finally pregnant ... I just want to cry tears of joy each time I think of our baby, or see him or her on the ultrasound machine. My heart is overflowing with joy!

And ... I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this diagnosis and corrective action (vitamin cocktail) is what my successful pregnancy is attributed to.

This has now become my new war cry... GET TESTED FOR MTHFR!!! Any time I hear that a woman has had multiple miscarriages by about the 5th or 6th week, red flags start flapping all over and I just have to share about my own experiences. MTHFR and PCOS have totally screwed with my ability to reproduce naturally. And, my doctor suspects that I had a lot more miscarriages that I wasn't even aware that I was having. Besides the spontaneous miscarriages, it also is the leading factor in coronary heart disease (which my dad has). Another reason to be tested.

Just remember ... It's not just the Folic Acid that is important ... B6 and B12 are also critical, critical, critical. Also, I'm pretty sure that because of the massive doses of B6 I'm taking, I didn't have any morning sickness... what a BONUS!

So what does it all boil down to? If you are an infertile, and you've been diagnosed with MTHFR Factor, You WILL GET PREGNANT and successfully carry a child if you follow the correct protocol. Of that I'm certain. I feel so grateful for my doctor at Shady Grove Fertility. I can't tell you how many times I've referred my fertility specialist (Dr. Melissa Esposito) to other women. She's outstanding, and without her, I wouldn't be pregnant right now. Even my OB agrees, and he doesn't work with her or in their office.

That's all for now!

One Whole Month!

2005-04-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

Today is exactly one whole month since my last post. ONE WHOLE MONTH!

And now... I am 15 weeks pregnant... AND... ALL IS WELL!!!

Except for the severe moodiness, emotional ups and downs, and darned leaky tear ducts.

Mother's Day is around the corner, my in-laws 40th Anniversary is on Mother's Day, too, and it's going to be a busy, busy weekend.

I need to start banking some sleep.

Enough said!

The Freedom to Rub Buddha's Belly

2005-03-25T15:43:00.000-05:00

What is it about a pregnant woman's belly that attracts unwanted hands? Am I wearing a sign that says... "PLEASE RUB BUDDHA BELLY FOR GOOD LUCK" ??? No... I can assure you I'm NOT!

And to top it all off... I'm only 10 weeks pregnant, and only have a very small protruding ABDOMEN (not even belly yet) ... did I mention I'm overweight anyway, and don't even look pregnant? Well, last night, someone else (this has already happened once!) came up to me and locked eyes with me (a ploy to distract me, I'm sure), and began rubbing my stomach... the top one ... not even the bottom one where the baby actually is (yes, folks... I have two stomachs ... top and bottom). How embarrassing! How do you get around that situation in a nice, diplomatic way? "HEY, kiddo... Hands of the merchandise! This Buddha Belly's off limits to folks like you!" Alas, that would only hurt feelings. It's one thing for a family member to do it... quite another for a friend or acquaintance to do it. And to top it all off... I'm a non-confrontational type of person... hate it! So, I just grabbed this person in a hug and flung her hand of my belly and laughed saying... "that tickles!"

Not bad, huh? Well, err... actually ... I was in church for "Maundy Thursday" service (a traditional service of Communion and Footwashing the day before Good Friday), and happened to be standing in the middle of the sanctuary. And, uh... well ... it didn't really tickle. So in essence... I lied in church. YIKES! I just took communion, too!

Step away from the pregnant sinner woman ... random lightning strikes will commence in 10 seconds... 9...8...7...

Oh, God ... forgive this lying pregnant woman!!!

P.S.: The lovely basket of plants my coworkers gave me back on Sept. 8th died this past week. Okay... maybe it's been a slow, painfully dry death, but needless to say... THEY.ARE.DEAD. I have such a black thumb!

Stay Away From "Bubblemint" While Pregnant!

2005-03-22T12:39:00.000-05:00

Wow! What an amazing thing it is to see a real sonogram of your very own baby! It has a head, body, paddles ... umm ... I mean arms and legs, and a pounding heart! 160 beats per minute! I'm pretty sure that's good. While we didn't get to hear it, we saw it, and that alone was quite reassuring!

So, my next appointment is in April, and we will actually get to HEAR the heartbeat! Amazing what they can do now a days.

To top off all the good news ... I'm not really experiencing severe morning sickness... PTL! While occasionally, I have heartburn or mild nausea, it's nothing like actually vomiting non-stop (as my sister did on a couple of her pregnancies, and my SIL did at the beginning of her pregnancy)!

So, while I'm swamped at work, my mind is now literally consumed with baby thoughts. Colors for the nursery, patterns for the fabrics, styles of cribs... to buy a convertible crib or not ... that is the question. Should I plunk the extra money into a crib that will eventually turn into either a double or two twin head boards, or should I save my cash, and let the child pick out their "grown-up" headboard when they are older??? So many questions!

By the way... the other day I was in the grocery store getting a salad for lunch, and while I was at the check out, I really felt like having some bubble gum. So, I grabbed a pack of Orbit Bubblegum. After I ate my lunch, I wasn't feeling so well, so I thought a piece of bubblegum might make me feel better ;-) ... so I popped a piece in my mouth and started chewing... and low and behold ... was greeted with a disgusting combination of mint and bubblegum... kind of like chewing on Bubblegum flavored Listerine! YUCK! Then I looked more closely to the packet, and saw that Orbit did not sell "BUBBLEGUM" flavored gum, but rather "BUBBLEMINT" flavored gum. Now, maybe it's because I'm pregnant, but it was so revolting that I had to spit it out. And, I sat and pouted the rest of the afternoon, because it wasn't BUBBLEGUM flavor, and that's what I wanted! Who comes up with these disgusting flavors? How sad that my life has come to this! Next time, I won't worry about the additional sugar intake, and just get REAL bubblegum. Lesson learned!

The Here and Now!

2005-03-09T16:56:00.000-05:00

So, here's a long message to catch everyone up... Loosing a child to miscarriage is bad... having to terminate a pregnancy is, well... badder. The guilt I felt with having to terminate the pregnancy was quite overwhelming. I didn't want to talk about it, blog about it, or even think about it.

That was back in September.

Then, November came, and along with November, lots, and lots of tests... tubes, and tubes, and tubes of blood. I had some genetic testing done to see if I had MTHFR. Yup... that's right, folks... MTHFR. In the infertile world... it's short for "mother effer." After 20 vials of blood, and I mean BIG vials of blood, we found out the dreaded news... I have MTHFR factor. To simplify, two of my genes are, well, deformed, and I don't produce folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12. So, wohoo ... one might think, big deal! But on the contrary, it IS a big deal! Women with MTFHR factor have spontaneous miscarriages between 5th and 6th weeks, and a lack of B6 and B12 directly affects rapidly reproducing cells... uh... that would be a baby. In fact, a lack of B6 and B12 causes rapidly reproducing cells to STOP reproducing. So, my doctor put me on a massive cocktail of Baby Asprin, Folic Acid, Vitamin B6 and B12... and WOW... what a difference! I got an instant jolt of energy, and come to find out, that's how I should have been feeling if I didn't have this MTHFR factor!

Then, in December, she put me on Avandia. I have a terrible reaction to Metformin, so ... Avandia it was, and another revelation... I wasn't hungry all the time, didn't have diarrhea, and was able to loose over 20 pounds! That's right, TWENTY POUNDS! And no sugar cravings, either! I love my doctor!

So low and behold... January rolls around ... and DH and I started a new IVF Cycle. Well, wouldn't you know it? I had a big 'ol cyst on my right ovary. Can't anything go smoothly??? Well, no worries, my wonderful, excellent fert doctor went in and sucked it out... just like she would a follicle. Did I mention how much I love this woman?!? Anyway, we didn't have to stop the cycle... just slow it down. A lot. But... on January 31, I had my second IVF transfer.

So, what about the Here and Now? Well, I am 8 weeks pregnant. Can you believe it? EIGHT WEEKS? I'm beside myself with excitement. What made a difference after all the IUI's and IVF's I've gone through? Well, a lot of prayer, and outstanding doctor (love her to death, I tell you), and my wonderful, life breathing vitamin cocktail.

Ladies... if you are in the process of fertility treatments, and have had numerous, inexplicable miscarriages... do yourself a favor. Stop immediately, go directly to your doctor, and INSIST that he or she see if you have MTHFR factor. If you do, start on a lovely vitamin cocktail (prescribed to you by your doctor, of course) ... and for heavens sake ... keep going! Never, NEVER give up!

The day we were supposed to find out if we were pregnant or not, I rememer saying during my morning prayers: Today is the day Lord. Today we find out if I am pregnant. Oh Lord, we have waited for so long for you to do this. We want so badly to have a child. I am so scared and worried.

And then, I remembered this scripture: 'Be anxious for nothing but in everything give thanks.'

My prayer turned to: Lord, help me to lay aside all of my anxiety. I acknowledge that you are in control over this situation. I seek you, Lord, and I trust that your plan is best. If the answer is no today, then I will still praise you. I ask for your strength and not my own. On my own I am weak and scared, but you Lord, fill me with your peace and strength.”

Later that afternoon, we got an answer. Not only was I pregnant, but my numbers were stronger than I had ever had. It was a VERY VIABLE pregnancy… And, I had to go off and find a spot to praise God with every fiber in my being.

Praise the Lord! Lord, you have looked upon us with favor. Thank you for the child within me. You have answered our prayers. After fourteen long years the day has come. "He has made the barren woman a joyful mother of children." What a blessing you have given us. We acknowledge that this is YOUR hand and your plan.

That evening, we prayed together and prayed for our child. After desiring a child for so long, we knew that the health and life of our child was in the Lord's hands. My husband was a tower of strength to me as he held my hands and prayed for our baby. Both of our families were praying and several prayer chains were started at our church and others. We felt overwhelmed with a peace knowing that God was in control. It was a miracle that fear never gripped our hearts, as I am very prone to be anxious and worrisome.

There is Hope, and it comes through Grace and Faith.

When you lose your dreams, you die

2004-09-08T10:35:00.000-05:00

I received an email today, and I thought I'd share some of the things I took from it ... It was very encouraging ...

You have to laugh and find humor every day.
You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change.
Have no regrets.
Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

And... a few words that have always encouraged me ...

I'll always do my best, and pray that I am blessed in the decisions I make, and God will take care of the rest.

Love it!

Plants are a good thing ...

2004-09-03T13:57:00.000-05:00

Here we are ... the third day of September ... my beta is down to 13.2 ... a good sign ... a sign that nothing is going to explode inside of me due to an ectopic pregnancy. Hey ... at least I can get pregnant, right? PAH--LEEZ!! I can't tell you how many times I've heard that over the last 14 years, and if I hear that one more time, I'll puke...

Today my department sent me a basket of plants. It was very thoughtful ... I think ...

The card read "Thinking of you and wishing you the best in the future."

Now, you need to understand, that one of the girls we work with just had a cyst and one of her ovaries removed a couple days ago, a guy we work with has taken vacation to go to Brazil "just to have his passport stamped" (something about his residency status there), our boss in on business in Egypt, Jordan, and England, and the only people left in the office are me, our 6 month pregnant secretary, and a loving, and very kind woman in her 50's.

So, needless to say, I walked back to my office and said to the other two that are in the office ... either someone sent this basket of plants to me by accident instead of the girl that just had surgery, or ... I'm getting fired and you know about it before I do.

Know what they said?

"Nah ... we sent it to you ... you've just been going through a lot these past three months, and we didn't know what to say or do, so we just wanted you to know we were thinking about you."

Sob.

How will I handle the Bad?

2004-08-31T10:33:00.000-05:00

This is a serious blog ... not a funny one. It delvs into my spiritual side and is a reflection on how I handle grief and dipsair. If you are not a spiritual person, then you may want to skip this blog. If you are a person questioning your spirituallity, or wondering how other people handle grief ... then by all means ... read on.

It's not a matter of why God would allow something bad to happen to me ... but rather, I believe that it's a matter of how will I handle the bad that has happened to me with God's help? God doesn't send bad things our way. But, once they do come our way, how exactly is it that we handle the bad? Below is the 23rd Psalm, and following it, is my personal interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ... it's how I feel after having experienced my 4th lost pregnancy these past two weeks.

The 23rd psalm of David.....

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

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A personal interpretation of the 23rd Psalm after my 4th lost pregnancy ...

Even though the Lord is my shepherd, I'm still in want. I'm trying to want only Him, but I want a family so bad it hurts. But I know if I turn to Him, He will take my wants away from me and help me focus on Him. I know he makes me lie down in green pastures, and I'm thankful he leads me beside quiet waters and restores my soul, because without Him, I think I would loose my mind and be lost forever.

I try to stay on the paths of righteousness for his name's sake, because I know that I'm going to need him when I'm walking through that valley of the shadow of death. Every reaction I have is played out in front of others, and they stretch and strain to see any signs of me walking away from the Lord. There is evil all around me, and it waits to jump in and cast doubt and anger, but I know He's with me, and when I'm afraid and anxious for the pregnancies I've lost in my life, the many disappointments I've ever experienced, and even when I'm anxious for the safety of my future pregnancies, He comforts me. He gives me a calming sense of peace. I know that with Him, I can go on.

Thankfully, He prepares a table for me when I'm in the presence of my enemies. For, without gathering the strength he offers me at his overflowing table, surely I would fold. Time and time again, he blesses me. He blesses me so much, I become overwhelmed. I know his love and goodness will always be with me, all the days of my life. Not only will I dwell in the house of the Lord forever, but so will all the children I've lost throughout the years, and all the children that I will hold in my arms in the future.
__________________________________________________________________

Thank God I have His strength, love, and compassion. Without it, I would have been a hopeless case, but because of it, I know that I can make it through this, no matter how bad it gets. He gives me the strength and courage to face the next step ...

Green Glow

2004-08-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

So as it turns out, I've had to take the two shots of Methyltrexate. So now, whenever you turn the lights of in our bedroom, there is an erie green glow coming from under the covers .... right around the uterus section of my body. Something's gotta be going on down there!

Actually, it hasn't been too bad. The last miscarriage I had (Mother's Day, 2004) was sooooo, well, it was bad. Messy. This one, however, hasn't been at all. A little heavy bleeding here, a little there, and several hours of no bleeding. But, the cramping pain in my abdomen has been quite lovely to deal with, considering TYLENOL is the only thing I can take. Right after the nurse gave me the two injections of this lovely chemotherapy drug, she said, "now just so you know, you can't have any alcohol until this works through your system. About two weeks." I just looked longingly at my husband, and he said, "that sure puts a kink in her plans ... she was gonna go out and get stone drunk tonight." Funny guy.

After a long session with my doctor, we learned some very interesting things. It seems that women with PCOS have a higher rate of miscarriage/lost pregnancy early on in their first trimester than normal, healthy women. What a coincidence... that's been my problem all along ... lost pregnancy in the 5th to 7th week... EACH TIME. So, my doctor wants to put me on Avandia (Rosiglitazone). She had a patient that couldn't take Metphormin either, and she put her on Avandia and she got pregnant with triplets, and successfully delivered. Wow! That's a positive emotion/outcome to hold onto. You see, PCOS women produce too much of the male hormones, and not enough of the female hormones, so when the embryo tries to snuggle down and implant, the body rejects it because the hormones aren't at the right level. Okay ... something like that ... but that's the main jest.

If I haven't said it before, I absolutely LOVE my doctor and nurse. They are awesome. I've read so many instances where a woman goes through infertility treatment and the doctor keeps her on the same protocol for months. Not my doctor. She sees that there's a problem, and she's making adjustments to combat the issues. While I can't begin another IVF cycle until about November, she's assured me that a) she's going to send us for all kinds of chromosomal testing and autoimmune disease testing; b) she's going to put me on Avandia as soon as possible (similar to Metphormin w/o as many side effects); c) she's going to pursue a more aggressive protocol so that more follicles are produced with the hopes that more eggs will be retrieved and fertilized; d) she's going to talk with the geneticist about doing PGD (Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis) on each of the embryos; e) we'll probably transfer (when the time comes) 3 embryos instead of 2.

So there is hope, and that's something to hold on to.

In the mean time, I guess the neighbors are going to have to deal with the green glow that seeps out from our bedroom in the dead of night.

How to deal with Sorrow ... Orange Tic Tacs

2004-08-24T08:47:00.000-05:00

Okay ... I know it's been a long time since I posted, but it's been a pretty tough week. So now that I've been fortified from my morning's wholesome breakfast of an entire box of orange tic tacs (what?!? orange has vitamin c, right?), here's what's been happening...

Last Monday (8/16), my pregnancy test came back positive. My Betas were very low, though. So... we waited another two days and tested again on Wednesday. My Betas went up a bit, but not enough. By Friday, my Beta's were still going up, but not enough. Monday (8/23) I tested again, and Betas went up a bit more. No doubling, not even close. Just 3 here, 8 there. So, my doctor said that she thought it was an Ectopic Pregnancy, and I'd need to have a shot (two, actually) of Methotrexate. Joy... Chemotherapy ... I get to glow in the dark. Methotrexate is used to end a pregnancy because it kills living and reproducing cells. Sounds ominous, and even though my RE told me not to worry because it won't be any different than a heavy period, I don't believe her one bit. I always prepare myself for the worst, and after reading several blog entries about this exact procedure, I really have the willies about it. This also means that we will have to miss a couple of cycles to get all the chemicals out of my system before we try again. Joy. I'm going to be 100 years old before I get pregnant.

But as luck would have it, I started bleeding today. On my own. Yea! I called my RE and I get to go in for another beta tomorrow. Nothing like getting stuck in the arm for blood. It's become my new favorite thing to do. If my numbers have started to go down, I avoid the Methotrexate. If they are NOT going down, I get the shots. Tomorrow. Joy.

At the same time, as if my own sorrow isn't enough, my friend who lives across the street from me received a call from her doctor saying that her pap smear was VERY abnormal, and the results of the cells they tested were concerning. She's struggled with stage 3 cancer before, and went through treatments, so this news is a bit frightening for her. It's not just one of those "iffy" paps ... it's the real thing. She's a bit beside herself, and she's finding comfort in her Merlot. I feel so bad for her. I think she's putting off calling the doctor because she's afraid of what she'll hear. I can't say that I blame her.

Well ... here's to another box of orange tic tacs..... Hey... give me a break. It's how I'm dealing with my sorrow ... that, and a bucket of Eddy's Limited Peach Grove ice cream, some chocolate cake, and caffeine. I figure that since this is my 4th lost pregnancy, I deserve it, so leave me alone about it.

Wheeeeew!

2004-08-13T14:31:00.000-05:00

Wheeeeew! I hope this dizziness I'm experiencing today is related to being pregnant. I've had a piercing headache, total sleepiness, and I had a total of about 2 hours of queasiness (on and off). Sure hope those are good signs/symptoms!

This is going to be ONE.LONG.WEEKEND....

Monday morning I go for a blood test ... and then my lovely and wonderful nurse will call me in the afternoon to tell me if I'm pregnant, or if I'm loosing my mind feeling all these symptoms without being pregnant. Why, oh, why did I have to go on MONDAY? Why couldn't it have been on a Wed, or even Friday? That way, I wouldn't have to spend the entire, FREAKING weekend obsessing over whether or not I'm pregnant.

Oh, my husband's in for a greaaaaat weekend! And on top of the stress ... Hurricane Charlie is coming into town, and everyone's freaking out over THAT, too! Ummmmmmm ... okay ... People, I really don't think it's going to be much more than a lot of strong rain, and maybe some creeks and rivers flashflooding, but PALEAZE! I live about 50 miles NORTH of Washington, D.C., and about 10 miles SOUTH of the PA line. It's not like we live near the ocean and we need to batten down the hatches, board up the windows, and encircle the house with bags of sand! Really! And because of the threat of rain, my high school reunion has been postponed until Sept or Oct.

Now, while I'm happy about that on the one hand, because I'll know for sure if I'm pregnant or not, and after waiting for 14 years to have a baby, one tends to want to brag a bit... I'm also a bit upset, because I was really looking forward to seeing my high school chums!

All I have to say, is that ... it had better rain so friggin hard that I see a man floating down my street in a rowboat with a yellow slicker and hat on.

2004-08-11T15:29:00.000-05:00

Okay ... everything is fine today. Hitler isn't off on a rampage, and the world is once again quiet. As long as he stays in his stinking office, everything is just fiiiine. I swear I think I'm too emotionally unstable to be at the office right now. Just waiting for the day I go in for my beta test that will tell me whether I'm pregnant or not is killing me, and the daily need I have to be obsessive over every single thing is ridiculous...

For instance ... "Oh, no! I haven't felt any nausea for three days... maybe I'm not pregnant!" (I should be thankful I'm not feeling nausea yet!) or how about this one ... "I can barely keep my eyes open ... that MUST mean I'm pregnant!" ... or ... "Honey, I'm craving Bit-o-Honey candy. I'm not sure where that craving came from, but surely that must mean I'm pregnant!" (like I could possibly be feeling any cravings this early!) And then there's the dreams ... oh, the dreams ... like I'm in a wild, WILD movie!

Well, we'll all know for sure in 5 days, but secretly, I really think I'm pregnant.

Darn, those hormones!

2004-08-10T08:55:00.000-05:00

Well, transfer went GREAT. We had two 8-celled embies that we transferred. I went back to work on Friday (after two days of bedrest), and by the end of the day, I was cramping so badly, I had to get home and lie down. The weekend, however, was awesome! I took a 45 minute nap in the late AM, then went out for an early dinner, then took an hour nap in the late PM, then got my lovely shot of PIO, then off to bed! Sunday, we went to church, went to lunch, took a two hour nap, did much of nothing. NIIIIIIICE. Gotta love a nappy weekend. As for how I'm feeling ... well, tired, weepy, and just a tad nauseas. All symptoms of either the PIO injections, or quite possibly, I'm pregnant. Though I won't know for a little while yet.

Then... there's always today's joyful event of coming to work and having to face a demanding, micro-managing, ranting and raving boss. Oh, it's quite lovely. He gets himself so wound up and red-faced, that it's hard to get out of him what he's really looking for. The only thing you hear him saying is... "this is wrong, wrong, WRONG. This is not what I want. This isn't close to what I'm looking for. How did you get this number? This isn't what you gave me last month..." On, and on, and ON!

So, in my head... I have so many nice little things that I want to say to him that go something like this...

"Ummm ... okay ... so what the heckis it that you want, Mr. Smartman? I did what you asked, and YEAH, it's exactly what I gave you last month ... remember how happy you were with it then? Oh, yeah... I forgot to put my mind-reading hat on today. Look, I'll tell you what... you just march your little 5'5" hitler-ish self on out of here, and I'll forget you ever stopped by. And while you're marching, why don't you try lifting your own dead-weight fingers and pulling the report you REALLY want out of that thing that sits on your desk... your computer ... you know ... it's that thing you have your secretary dust regularly. Is that a deal?" (as I slowly stand my 5'9" frame up from my chair and lean menacingly over my desk with a 'go ahead and make my day' look on my face).

But, noooooooooo ... instead, I find myself taking SEVERAL deep breaths and trying to control the tears that are threatening to over flow. Darn, those hormones! You'd think I'd be able to control the waterworks. How professional, not to mention attractive!

Who needs work???

2004-08-04T08:54:00.000-05:00

What the heck am I doing at work??? I have transfer scheduled for 1:45 this afternoon... What exactly did I think I would get done this morning??? Did I come simply for a mild distraction? Eehhh ... who needs work, anyway??? I should have stayed home in bed and lounged the morning away, but then again... I'll be on bedrest for the next two days, so maybe coming to work was a better decision. Who knows? So .... back to twiddling my thumbs until it's time to leave!!!!!

Wrong, Wrong, WRONG!!!

2004-08-03T08:33:00.000-05:00

Okay ... whoever said "it doesn't hurt too badly" was wrong, wrong, WRONG!!! The doctor that first said "oh, it just feels like strong menstrual cramps" must have been a MAN, because I don't think they even KNOW what menstrual cramps feel like. Idiots! They are all idiots!!!

Retrieval hurts. Yes, they put you in lala land, but they also take you out of it, and 15 minutes later, you're smacked in the face with a painful, throbbing in your ovaries that only a nice, fat, juicy vicodin can cure. Even that wore off too soon for comfort.

But all in all, it was a fair retrieval. Our plan was to only have 4 fertilized, but the doctor performing the retrieval told us that we would be drastically reducing our odds, if not eliminating them, because PCOS patients don't always produce healthy eggs. Nice... real nice. That's like having a chicken lay frogs eggs. So when I woke up, I was told that 9 eggs were retrieved. I was hoping for many more, considering that I had over 20 follicles, but I guess beggars can't be choosy!

All the eggs were placed in their own little dishes with thousands of sperm, all for themselves. Out of the nine, 1 didn't fertilize at all, 1 fertilized abnormally (2 sperm made it in), and the other 7 fertilized beautifully.

Now, I'm just waiting for the call to tell me how many have made it to day three, and if I'll have transfer tomorrow, or later on in the week. My IM injections in my beHIIIInd have started, and the side effects are pretty much the same as being pregnant. I'm nauseas and tired. But thankfully, the actual injections are "okay." As in ... not too bad. Except for the occasional vein you go through that causes a nice spouting spurt of blood when the needle is drawn out ... sort of like an active oil well!

So, for now... I'm going to log off and stare at my cell phone, willing it to ring, and picking it up every 5 minutes to make sure it's still working. Then, once I get the call, I'm gonna head home from work and fall into bed (ovaries are still hurting badly).

Out for now...

======================================

Update...

All seven are continuing to divide nicely. Transfer is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon (1:45 p.m.) ... How exciting is that? Soon I'll have two transferred back in, and 5 frozen ... kidsicles!

First Timer

2004-07-30T14:04:00.000-05:00

Hear me now ... I AM A FIRST TIMER AT THIS!!! Please don't bust my chops if I do it wrong, okay? Since this is my first attempt at blogging, I'm going to try to be loyal to it ... and since this is my first blog, it's gonna be a semi-long one. Here it goes ...

So, as I said in my profile, my DH and I have been TTC for over 14 years. I've done 3 IUI's, I've had 3 miscarriages spread across the whole 14 years, with my most recent on this past Mother's day, 2004. That pretty much sucked. Not that anyone enjoys having a miscarriage, but on MOTHER'S DAY? Talk about depression!

So, after all that, we recently started our first IVF cycle, and I thought I was sooo prepared for it after being an "old hand" at IUI's, but I have to admit ... I'm not as smart as I thought I was! The nice thing is that there's NEW technology now ... the Follistem Pen ... WOW!!! What an improvement!!! When I did my IUI's, we had to use a syringe to mix the water with the freeze-dried powder. Man, did that BURN LIKE HECK! I had some really nice welts and a lot of bruise action going on from pressing on my stomach. Now... you just pop in the vial of LIQUID Follistem, screw your needle on, dial up the dossage, and voila... instant injection, no burning! So, here's a few highlights of this cycle...

On day 9 of the birth control pills, I started Lupron injections every morning. By day 19, I got my period. I went in the next day for blood draw and for a sonogram. I thought they were going to look at my ovaries, and see if the cycst I had from the previous IUI had disapeared. What a surprise to look into the monitor and see TONS of follicles!!! Good grief! They told me I had 15, and that by the end of the cycle, they like to see about 20, so because my ovaries were too PERKY, they kept me on Lupron the entire cycle. Gotta love perky ovaries. So, each day, I'd have an injection of Lupron in the morning, and an injection of Follistem and an injection of Repronix (sp?) in the evenings.

Tonight is my TRIGGER night, and yes ... I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED! I have 17 follicles, 8 of them are 20 mm, 5 of them are from 17 - 18.9 mm (for those of you who need a conversion, there are 10 mm in a cm, and 2.5 cm in an inch. So, basically ... I'm carrying a freakin watermelon around in my belly! That's almost 10 inches, people! No wonder I'm hurting inside ... it's not like it's in my uterus where a baby could stretch out and get comfy... it's all in my two little ovaries. I have a new word, too ... it's BLOTATION ... not flotation ... that's what you experience at the end of the day when your belly swells up and you don't fit in your clothes any more. I guess that's what pregnant women feel like at the end of the day ....

So for now, that's all I have to post. Tomorrow, I'll be kicking it around with my DH scrambling to clean the house, stock the cabinets, and catch up on laundry (since I have to take it easy for pretty much all of next week) and of course, NAP!

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers cause trigger shot is tonight, retrieval is SUNDAY (oh, man am I STOKED!), and transfer is WEDNESDAY (some one, please ... tie me down!).

No complaints ... only happiness ... so far.